IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

With the increasing demand for energy sources of oil and gas, people should look for sources of oil and gas in remote and untouched natural places. Do the advantages outweigh disadvantages of damaging such areas?

#demand #energy #sources #oil #gas #people #places #areas
✨ Do you want to improve your IELTS writing?
The vast majority of people believe that exploration in remote and untouched natural places is necessary as the demand for
energy
sources
such
 as oil and gas is increasing.
While
 it sounds not solutive, destroying those areas will bring more advantages to society.
Energy
sources
 are the key
of
Change preposition
to
show examples
 human daily needs. Every sector needs good accommodation which will have a positive impact
for
Change preposition
on
show examples
human
Fix the agreement mistake
humans
show examples
. There are three advantages
for
Change preposition
to
show examples
 having a
new-potential
Correct your spelling
new potential
show examples
 site.
Firstly
, on the one hand, without having adequate
sites
, the national supply
for
Change preposition
of
show examples
energy
sources
 will be limited, and
therefore
, it will risk the next generation in using the power of
energy
 in daily life.
For example
, they can not commute freely as there is a limited amount of fuel for public or even private vehicles, because, they could not operate regularly compared to the previous year.
Secondly
, the economy will remain stable
due to
 the stability of
price
Fix the agreement mistake
prices
show examples
 in
market
Add an article
the market
show examples
as a result
 of
good
Correct article usage
the good
show examples
 distribution
in
Change preposition
of
show examples
 many goods within the regions.
Moreover
, the financial state of one’s
country
 will remain stable throughout the year and
avoid
Verb problem
prevent
show examples
 the
country
to take
Change preposition
from taking
show examples
 an international loan
due to
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
financial hardship.
On the other hand
, if society keeps the
sites
 untouched
while
 the demand
of
Change preposition
for
show examples
energy
sources
 still arises, more problems will cause one’s
country
 to lag far behind the developed countries. The civils will more likely to experience financial issues within the
country
 as the
sources
 fare
increased
Replace the word
increase
show examples
, implementation of high
tax
Fix the agreement mistake
taxes
show examples
of
Change preposition
on
show examples
 fuels by the government, or even led into looting or rioting in many big cities.
Therefore
,
although
 some natural places still exist, people will suffer more.
While
 some people
weigh
Verb problem
take
show examples
this
 measure as a cruel act, damaging the
sites
 will bring more benefits to
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
society and
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
future generations. I hope the authorities
also
 take other measures to protect the
sites
such
 as building the green areas in many areas as possible.
Submitted by misstiasclassroom on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

task achievement
Provide counterarguments to strengthen your essay.
task achievement
Expand on your main points and provide more supporting examples.
coherence cohesion
Use linking words and phrases to improve coherence and cohesion.
coherence cohesion
Include a conclusion that summarizes your main points.
lexical resource
Use a wider range of vocabulary to enhance your essay.
grammatical range accuracy
Check your grammar to ensure accuracy.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • unprecedented
  • unspoiled
  • hydrocarbon exploration
  • biodiversity
  • sustainable energy
  • renewable resources
  • carbon footprint
  • environmental degradation
  • ecosystem conservation
  • indigenous rights
  • climate resilience
  • habitat destruction
  • infrastructure development
  • technological advancements
  • economic stimulus
  • social unrest
  • environmental conservation
What to do next:
Look at other essays: