IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 7.5

The bar chart below describes some changes about the percentage of people were born in Australia and who were born outside Australia living in urban, rural and town between 1995 and 2010

The bar chart below describes some changes about the percentage of people were born in Australia and who were born outside Australia living in urban, rural and town between 1995 and 2010
✨ Do you want to improve your IELTS writing?
The given bar chart illustrates the differences in
percentage
Add an article
the percentage
show examples
 of Australian and non-Australian
citizens
Use synonyms
 in cities, rural
areas
Use synonyms
 and towns over 15 years from 1995 to 2010.
Overall
Linking Words
, the number of
people
Use synonyms
 living in urban
areas
Use synonyms
 increased dramatically for both those who were born in Australia and those who were born outside over the given period.
However
Linking Words
, the figure for rural
areas
Use synonyms
 declined sharply,
whereas
Linking Words
 the figure for towns remained steady.  
Initially
Linking Words
, the number of native Australian
citizens
Use synonyms
 and immigrants in cities, which were about 45 and 60 (respectively),  increased by about 20% and became 64% and 80% between 1995 and 2010. For all
people
Use synonyms
 in towns, there were no significant changes and the figure remained almost steady. 
On the other hand
Linking Words
,
people
Use synonyms
 born in Australia in rural
areas
Use synonyms
 accounted for approximately 30%,
while
Linking Words
 outside-born
people
Use synonyms
 comprised almost 40% in 1995. The number declined sharply and became above 20% for local
citizens
Use synonyms
 and even less for non-Australian
citizens
Use synonyms
.

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site's author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Vocabulary: Replace the words citizens, areas, people with synonyms.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "figure" was used 3 times.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "give" was used 2 times.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "number of" was used 2 times.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "declined" was used 2 times.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "increased" was used 2 times.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "remained" was used 2 times.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "almost" was used 2 times.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "about" was used 2 times.
▼
Topic Vocabulary:
  • demographics
  • urbanization
  • migration patterns
  • population distribution
  • percentage points
  • growth rate
  • decline
  • trend analysis
  • socioeconomic factors
  • infrastructure development
  • rural exodus
  • census data
  • lifestyle changes
  • residential patterns
  • immigration policies
  • emigration
  • natural increase
  • birth rate
  • settlement patterns
  • push and pull factors
What to do next:
Look at other essays: