IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 9

The graph below shows the number of boys and girls playing sport in an English town in 2012

The graph below shows the number of boys and girls playing sport in an English town in 2012
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The bar graph illustrates the levels of males and females who are playing sport in an area of England in 2012. In general, the figures for boys who attend most of the sports activities except for badminton and swimming were higher than girls.
Furthermore
Linking Words

Usage of linking words is important in IELTS writing. They help create clear connections between ideas in your writing. They improve the flow of your essay by showing relationships between paragraphs and sentences. Using appropriate linking words demonstrates your ability to write cohesively and will help you achieve a higher band score.

, Hockey was the least popular for both genders. The highest level of boys was registered by football, accounting for 60. The next highest numbers were exhibited by tennis, at 50, and swimming, at 40.
In contrast
Linking Words

Usage of linking words is important in IELTS writing. They help create clear connections between ideas in your writing. They improve the flow of your essay by showing relationships between paragraphs and sentences. Using appropriate linking words demonstrates your ability to write cohesively and will help you achieve a higher band score.

, badminton and cycling were the least common, with 30 and approximately 40
people
Use synonyms

It is important to use synonyms in your writing, as you will lose marks if you repeat words from the question and use the same words in your essay over and over. If you do that, it will show the examiner that you have a limited vocabulary and you want to do the opposite for a high band score.

, respectively. Regarding females, the rate of swimming favourite in the town stood first place, accounting for 50
people
Use synonyms

It is important to use synonyms in your writing, as you will lose marks if you repeat words from the question and use the same words in your essay over and over. If you do that, it will show the examiner that you have a limited vocabulary and you want to do the opposite for a high band score.

.
Furthermore
Linking Words

Usage of linking words is important in IELTS writing. They help create clear connections between ideas in your writing. They improve the flow of your essay by showing relationships between paragraphs and sentences. Using appropriate linking words demonstrates your ability to write cohesively and will help you achieve a higher band score.

, the levels of girls participating in badminton were 40, which was higher than tennis, at over 30
people
Use synonyms

It is important to use synonyms in your writing, as you will lose marks if you repeat words from the question and use the same words in your essay over and over. If you do that, it will show the examiner that you have a limited vocabulary and you want to do the opposite for a high band score.

; meanwhile, cycling and football accounted for a similar number of joining (20
people
Use synonyms

It is important to use synonyms in your writing, as you will lose marks if you repeat words from the question and use the same words in your essay over and over. If you do that, it will show the examiner that you have a limited vocabulary and you want to do the opposite for a high band score.

).
Finally
Linking Words

Usage of linking words is important in IELTS writing. They help create clear connections between ideas in your writing. They improve the flow of your essay by showing relationships between paragraphs and sentences. Using appropriate linking words demonstrates your ability to write cohesively and will help you achieve a higher band score.

, Hockey was the lowest level in both genders, at 15 and nearly 10
people
Use synonyms

It is important to use synonyms in your writing, as you will lose marks if you repeat words from the question and use the same words in your essay over and over. If you do that, it will show the examiner that you have a limited vocabulary and you want to do the opposite for a high band score.

, respectively.

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Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "furthermore".
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Conclusion: The conclusion is too long.
Vocabulary: Replace the words people with synonyms.
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