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Writing Samples /
Band 5.5

Some Organizations believed that their employees should dress smartly. Others value quality of work. Discuss both views and give your opinion.

#organizations #employees #dress #value #quality #work
Some companies are of the notion that their workers should dress smartly.Others see the importance of
quality
Correct article usage
the quality
show examples
 of
job
Add an article
the job
show examples
.Below
i
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I
show examples
 will tackle both
side
Change to a plural noun
sides
show examples
 with
opions
Correct your spelling
options
opinions
 and examples.
Firstly
,
i
Change the capitalization
I
show examples
 would like to allude to the fact that first impression is the best in my own opinion.
Moreover
,folks tend to listen to individuals well dressed rather than dressed down or shabby.Research
have
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has
show examples
 shown that
well dressed
Add a hyphen
well-dressed
show examples
 individuals are more respectable when they speak even if they are not making sense they will sound
knowlegable
Correct your spelling
knowledgeable
.My grandmother once told me that my
gradfather
Correct your spelling
grandfather
 was a different man when he was home than when he was at
work
.At
work
Add a comma
work,
show examples
 employees would tremble just by hearing his voice.By the time he would walk into the office well dressed like a boss he was everyone would
busy
Add a missing verb
be busy
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 concentrating on their task.
Meanwhile
Add a comma
Meanwhile,
show examples
 at
home
Add a comma
home,
show examples
 he was said to dress simple and too casual sometimes topless.Most of his sons would not take him
serious
Change the word
seriously
show examples
 and young children would tease him.
Furthermore
,some employers go as far as to
handover
Correct your spelling
hand over
show examples
 uniforms to their workforce every
quartely
Correct your spelling
quarterly
quarter
.They believe that
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
this
 can go a long way in making
thneir
Correct your spelling
their
 business bloom.My neighbor always used to come home with hampers sometimes three or four times a year.She would explain that a reward from her supervisors for
hardwork
Correct your spelling
hard work
.Every morning when she
will be going
Wrong verb form
goes
show examples
 to
work
 she
will be looking
Wrong verb form
looks
show examples
 like she is going to a fashion show .She looked
emmaculate
Correct your spelling
immaculate
 and spectacular .So many young kids would emulate her when they
will be
Wrong verb form
are
show examples
 playing games.
However
,as far as Mrs Mgara was always best dressed,
rumors
Change the spelling
rumours
show examples
 had it that she
perfcomed
Correct your spelling
performed
 poorly at
work
.Every month she was always under
scutinity
Correct your spelling
scrutiny
 from her manager
due to
 low
perfomance
Correct your spelling
performance
.She did not get
along with
 other team members
according to
grapevine
Correct article usage
the grapevine
show examples
 and was rude
with
Change preposition
to
show examples
 customers as well.In the
end
Add a comma
end,
show examples
 Mrs Mgara lost her job.From my own
persipective
Correct your spelling
perspective
,
i
Change the capitalization
I
show examples
 concluded it was
due to
 not meeting
Correct article usage
the mothly
show examples
mothly
Correct your spelling
monthly
 target .
Ofcourse
Correct your spelling
Of course
,presentability was not the reason but
quality
Correct article usage
the quality
show examples
 of
work
 produced. To some up ,It can be concluded that staff members should be well dressed as a requirement by their supervisor as supported above . At the same
time
Add a comma
time,
show examples
quality
 of
work
 is essential
according to
 some companies as elaborated
also
 .So all in all presentability and
quality
 results hand in hand .
Submitted by tinapamm on

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coherence cohesion
Ensure that your essay has a clear introduction, body, and conclusion structure.
task achievement
Develop your ideas further and provide more examples to support your points.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • professional image
  • self-confidence
  • team cohesion
  • customer-facing roles
  • cornerstone
  • customer satisfaction
  • innovation
  • continuous improvement
  • engaged and motivated
  • workplace culture
  • rapidly changing work environment
  • technological advancements
  • remote work trends
  • functional attire
  • productivity
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