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Band 5.5

Many young people today know more about international pop and movie stars than about famous people in the history in their country. Why is this? What can be done to increase young people’s interest in famous people in the history of their country?

#people #pop #movie #stars #history #country #people’s #interest
Nowadays, a rising number of youngsters become fans of international superstars, and they know little about their own country’s historical figures. There are many reasons resulting in
this
 phenomenon, and effective approaches need to be adopted. One of the primary reasons is the huge influence of international show business. European and American entertainment companies have more advanced film shooting and composing techniques, which usually produce
high quality
Add a hyphen
high-quality
show examples
 pieces and receive high praise,
such
 as Hollywood.
Also
, these firms got comparative dominant
right
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rights
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 in the global media because of the economy and politics.
Therefore
, not only can they create
masterpiece
Add an article
a masterpiece
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, but they are
also
 able to launch it to the whole world.
This
 phenomenon
also
attributes
Wrong verb form
attributed
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 to the globalization and development of media.
Firstly
, the channel for
people
 to get access to international information is becoming wider today. For the young generation who usually surf the internet for something trendy, they are easily
be
Unnecessary verb
apply
show examples
attracted to those unfamiliar and novel foreign cultures.
Secondly
, media campaigns are increasingly
colorful
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colourful
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. Most brands are eager to invite international
ambassador
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ambassadors
show examples
,
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apply
show examples
 and try to advertise as
more
Rephrase
much
show examples
 as possible,
such
 as physical posters,
off-line
Correct your spelling
offline
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 activities, and live
broadcast
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broadcasts
show examples
.
Thus
,
this
 gradually becomes unavoidable
for
Change preposition
in
show examples
people
’s daily life. Another cause is the great differences
of
Change preposition
in
show examples
 times. For one, because of the generation gap, the modern youths cannot strike a chord with the famous
people
 in their country’s history. In comparison, popular stars can arouse their
interests
Fix the agreement mistake
interest
show examples
 more. For another, heavy work or
academics
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academic
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 pressure leads to
people
’s fast-paced life. They prefer activities that require no effort and brainstorming to relieve stress,
such
 as listening
pop
Change preposition
to pop
show examples
 music and watching videos.
Hence
, very few young
people
 are willing to dig into historical records to learn about great figures. There are
wide
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a wide
show examples
 range of measures to address
this
 worrying issue. First of all,
government
Correct article usage
the government
show examples
 and schools are supposed to add more
story
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stories
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 about their own country’s famous
people
 in textbooks and classes.
Additionally
,
government
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the government
show examples
 should encourage domestic recreation companies to turn celebrities’ biographies into films, documentaries, or short videos to appeal to youngsters.
Furthermore
,
government
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the government
show examples
 can promote related knowledge through innovative methods,
such
 as cultural and creative
product
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products
show examples
.
Submitted by liumuxi568 on

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coherence cohesion
Provide more specific examples to support your main points.
grammatical range accuracy
Consider using more complex sentence structures.
coherence cohesion
Include a clear thesis statement in your introduction.
coherence cohesion
Consider organizing your essay with clear paragraphs.
coherence cohesion
Provide more specific solutions in the conclusion.
lexical resource
Use more precise vocabulary and avoid repetition.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • Pervasive
  • Globalized media
  • Social media platforms
  • Contemporary culture
  • Glamorous
  • Educational curriculum
  • Multimedia resources
  • National pride
  • Exhibitions
  • Engaging storytelling
  • Interactive apps
  • Historical figures
  • Narratives
  • Celebrations
  • Underemphasizing
What to do next:
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