IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 8.5

The pie and bar charts below show the percentage of water consumption and use in Australia in 2004.

The pie and bar charts below show the percentage of water consumption and use in Australia in 2004.
The provided pie chart depicts information about the usage of
water
Use synonyms
 for different kinds of purposes in Australia in 2004, and the bar chart
also
Linking Words
 illustrates the amount of
water
Use synonyms
 used in homes.
Overall
Linking Words
, a significant proportion of
water
Use synonyms
 was used for Residential houses,
while
Linking Words
 a large amount of
this
Linking Words
 was consumed in gardens and bathrooms.
To begin
Linking Words
, the first glance is enough to see the majority part of the
water
Use synonyms
 was used for the purpose of household (57%). Consumption for residential flats is 13% which is 3% higher than business. Approximately, one in ten was used for Industry and business,
while
Linking Words
 a minority part of it was taken for government and other reasons, 6% and 3% respectively. The main consumption source was mentioned as residential
water
Use synonyms
 usage, the biggest part of it was consumed for the purpose of bathrooms and gardens, around 30%. A fifth of
this
Linking Words
 was used for washing clothes and 5% less than
this
Linking Words
 in toilets. The least was taken by kitchens ( one in ten).

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Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "while".
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Vocabulary: Replace the words water with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: The word "chart" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "amount" was used 2 times.
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