The charts below show the percentage of time working adults spent on different activities in a particular country in 1958 and 2008. Summarize the information by selecting reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant. (Pie chart)

The charts below show the percentage of time working adults spent on different

activities in a particular country in 1958 and 2008. Summarize the information by selecting reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant. (Pie chart)
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The pie charts below provide information on what type of activities, divided into 6 types,
was
Correct subject-verb agreement
were
show examples
done by working
adults
Use synonyms
during the day in a specific country in both 1958 and 2008. Viewing from an
overall
Linking Words
perspective, it was clearly evident that whether it was either in 1958 or 2008, the
adults
Use synonyms
spent most of their
time
Use synonyms
doing their jobs because they had the responsibility to do so.
However
Linking Words
, in 1958, they were less likely to spend their
time
Use synonyms
travelling to work,
while
Linking Words
in 2008 the
adults
Use synonyms
were least likely to go out or do hobbies in their leisure
time
Use synonyms
. Looking in more detail, in both 1958 and 2008, most
adults
Use synonyms
spent their free
time
Use synonyms
by
Change preposition
apply
show examples
working in their office which was
at
Change preposition
apply
show examples
33% in 1958 and 42% in 2008, and it can be seen that as the working hours increased, the number of sleeping hours that they got decreased by almost a
third,
Linking Words
which were at 32% in 1958 and 25% in 2008.
Furthermore
Linking Words
, the
time
Use synonyms
they need to travel to work grew significantly in 2008 (8%), which was 4 times as much as it was in 1958 (2%).
Additionally
Linking Words
, outside of sleep and work-related activities, in 1958, the majority of their
time
Use synonyms
was spent
by
Change preposition
apply
show examples
hanging out with either friends or family, which was at 19%, but
this
Linking Words
number dropped sharply in 2008 to only
at
Change preposition
apply
show examples
6%.
This
Linking Words
might be explained by the fact that there was a rise in the percentage of relaxing
time
Use synonyms
that they got in their free
time
Use synonyms
from 8% to 13%
although
Linking Words
the rise was not immense.
Lastly
Linking Words
, there was no change at all in terms of the
time
Use synonyms
that they spent on their hobbies.
Submitted by ryantobayu12 on

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Conclusion: The conclusion is too long.
Common mistake: Your writing should be 150-250 words.
Vocabulary: Replace the words adults, time with synonyms.
Vocabulary: The word "rise" was used 2 times.
Vocabulary: Use several vocabularies to present the data in the second paragraph.
Topic Vocabulary:
  • Percentage
  • Proportion
  • Fluctuations
  • Increase
  • Decrease
  • Time allocation
  • Working adults
  • Activities
  • Comparison
  • Trend
  • Shift
  • Changes
  • Impact
  • Work-life balance
  • Lifestyle
  • Evolution
  • Daily routines
  • Technological changes
  • Social changes
  • Implications
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