The charts below show the percentage of time working adults spent on different activities in a particular country in 1958 and 2008. Summarize the information by selecting reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant. (Pie chart)

The charts below show the percentage of time working adults spent on different

activities in a particular country in 1958 and 2008. Summarize the information by selecting reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant. (Pie chart)
The pie charts below provide information on what type of activities, divided into 6 types,
was
Correct subject-verb agreement
were
show examples
done by working
adults
during the day in a specific country in both 1958 and 2008. Viewing from an
overall
perspective, it was clearly evident that whether it was either in 1958 or 2008, the
adults
spent most of their
time
doing their jobs because they had the responsibility to do so.
However
, in 1958, they were less likely to spend their
time
travelling to work,
while
in 2008 the
adults
were least likely to go out or do hobbies in their leisure
time
. Looking in more detail, in both 1958 and 2008, most
adults
spent their free
time
by
Change preposition
apply
show examples
working in their office which was
at
Change preposition
apply
show examples
33% in 1958 and 42% in 2008, and it can be seen that as the working hours increased, the number of sleeping hours that they got decreased by almost a
third,
which were at 32% in 1958 and 25% in 2008.
Furthermore
, the
time
they need to travel to work grew significantly in 2008 (8%), which was 4 times as much as it was in 1958 (2%).
Additionally
, outside of sleep and work-related activities, in 1958, the majority of their
time
was spent
by
Change preposition
apply
show examples
hanging out with either friends or family, which was at 19%, but
this
number dropped sharply in 2008 to only
at
Change preposition
apply
show examples
6%.
This
might be explained by the fact that there was a rise in the percentage of relaxing
time
that they got in their free
time
from 8% to 13%
although
the rise was not immense.
Lastly
, there was no change at all in terms of the
time
that they spent on their hobbies.
Submitted by ryantobayu12 on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Conclusion: The conclusion is too long.
Common mistake: Your writing should be 150-250 words.
Vocabulary: Replace the words adults, time with synonyms.
Vocabulary: The word "rise" was used 2 times.
Vocabulary: Use several vocabularies to present the data in the second paragraph.
What to do next:
Look at other essays: