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Band 5.5

some children find some subjects such as mathematics and philosophy too difficult to learn. so some people argue that those subjects should be optional rathan than compulsory. To what extent do you agree or disagree ?

#children #subjects #mathematics #philosophy #people #rathan
People hold different views in terms of academic learning. Individuals think that few
children
 have difficulty studying
subjects
such
 as
mathematics
 and
philosophy
 and
therefore
 some opine that those
subject
Fix the agreement mistake
subjects
show examples
 can be made optional
instead
 of compulsory. I find it difficult to agree or disagree with the phenomenon
however
 I believe that
mathematics
subject
 should be compulsory and
philosophy
subject
 can be made optional so students will have
liberty
Add an article
the liberty
show examples
 to select depending upon their own interests. A number of arguments surround my opinion. There are many advantages of
mathematics
 learning.
To begin
 with, it helps to develop
skills
such
 as quick calculations and visualisations. To elaborate,
mathematics
played
Wrong verb form
plays
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crucial
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a crucial
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 role in
person’s
Correct article usage
a person’s
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 daily life. A person who is good
in
Change preposition
at
show examples
 maths can decide monthly budget and limit
expense
Fix the agreement mistake
expenses
show examples
 to meet
up with
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apply
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his budget.
This
 is how society will have well-organised citizens.
Moreover
,
children
 who
are
Unnecessary verb
apply
show examples
excel in calculation
skills
 tend to make problem-solving decisions. Calculation
skills
 require
formulation
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the formulation
show examples
 of proofs, concepts and logic and these all are considered
as
Change preposition
apply
show examples
key elements of making effective decisions.
Practice
Add an article
The practice
show examples
 of
such
skills
 will build confidence and self-awareness in
children
 to tackle
with
Change preposition
apply
show examples
any pressurised situations. Focusing on
philosophy
subject
Fix the agreement mistake
subjects
show examples
,
children
 ought to be asked about their own interests and preferences regarding their academic
subjects
. As there are many other
subjects
such
 as science and technology, Maths, Social science, Business management and
Add a hyphen
commerce-related
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commerce related
Add a hyphen
commerce-related
show examples
subjects
, they hold more value
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apply
show examples
for
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apply
show examples
to be taught than teaching
philosophy
.
children
 are looked after by their parents and moral values are already nurtured in them
and
Correct word choice
apply
show examples
therefore
 they might find studying
philosophy
 as a repetitive course of learning.
However
, some of them might have a preference to opt
philosophy
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for philosophy
show examples
 for their
further
 studies and that can lead them to be
philosopher
Fix the agreement mistake
philosophers
show examples
some day
Correct your spelling
someday
show examples
.
To conclude
, it is clear to understand why maths must be compulsory to be added
in
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to
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academic
Add an article
the academic
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 curriculum
while
philosophy
 can be made optional depending upon
children
’s
interest
Fix the agreement mistake
interests
show examples
.
Submitted by poojanshah9002 on

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task achievement
Be more decisive in your stance on whether you agree or disagree with the argument in the prompt.
task achievement
Expand on your supporting points for why mathematics should be compulsory.
task achievement
Provide more explanation and examples for why philosophy can be made optional.
coherence cohesion
Add more transitions to improve the coherence and smooth flow of your essay.
grammatical range accuracy
Check for grammar and punctuation errors throughout your essay.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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