IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

Some university students want to learn about other subjects in addition to their main subjects. Others believe it is more important to give all their time and attention to studying for a qualification. Discuss both these views and give your opinion.

#university #students #subjects #addition #time #attention #qualification
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It would be argued by some that
university
Use synonyms
students
Use synonyms
 prefer to
extended
Change the verb
extend
show examples
 their
subjects
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.
While
Linking Words
 others believe it is more significant to gain a
degree
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. In my opinion,
however
Linking Words
, it would be beneficial for them to
study
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 other
in
Change preposition
apply
show examples
main
subjects
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. On the one hand, there are several reasons why some believe that
students
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 should focus on traditional
subjects
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 to gain a
degree
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. The first reason is that they would like to get a good job, which they always pursue
in
Change preposition
for
show examples
 a long time. To explain, It is beneficial for all members of
Use synonyms
university
Add an article
the university
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 who hope to find a job quickly. In detail, when they give all
time
Correct pronoun usage
their time
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 to pay attention to
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university's
Correct article usage
the university's
show examples
study
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 programs,
students
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 will have more abundant logical knowledge and teacher's experiences. Another reason is that
students
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 may have to save a lot of
moneycost
Correct your spelling
money cost
.
To begin
Linking Words
 with, during the learning process at
university
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, many people have difficulty studying a new subject or new semester.
Therefore
Linking Words
, achieving a
degree
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 quickly helps them save a lot of money, which opens up new doors
of
Change preposition
for
show examples
 job opportunities.
On the other hand
Linking Words
, I would argue that
students
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 should
study
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 more other
subjects
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in addition
Linking Words
 to traditional
subjects
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. To explain,
due to
Linking Words
 extending the range of topics in society, many young people can get more practical experiences that will make them more successful.
For example
Linking Words
, recruiters tend to
favor
Change the spelling
favour
show examples
 candidates having broad knowledge over those who do not. Another advantage of
this
Linking Words
 tendency is that
students
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 can have different aspects of societal knowledge. When they rush to work or learn other majors and
subjects
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, they may have the ability to adapt
Change preposition
to
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in
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to
show examples
 a
professional
Correct word choice
apply
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professional
Remove the redundancy
apply
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environment.
As a result
Linking Words
, they are more likely to gain success. In conclusion,
although
Linking Words
 some people believe that
students
Use synonyms
 should focus on getting a
degree
Use synonyms
, I personally hold a belief that they should
study
Use synonyms
 whatever they feel
like
Change preposition
apply
show examples
interested in.
Submitted by yeshomeclass on

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clear comprehensive ideas
Provide clearer and more comprehensive ideas to support your opinions.
relevant specific examples
Provide more relevant and specific examples to support your arguments.
logical structure
Improve the logical structure of your essay.
introduction conclusion present
Make your introduction and conclusion more explicit.
lexical resource
Use a wider range of vocabulary.
grammatical range and accuracy
Improve sentence structure and grammar.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • Broaden
  • Perspectives
  • Specialize
  • Critical thinking
  • Problem-solving skills
  • Career success
  • Interdisciplinary connections
  • Structured path
  • Clear goals
  • Creativity
  • Innovation
  • Academic credibility
  • Recognition
  • Balance
  • Exploring
What to do next:
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