IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4

Some people believe that children's leisure activities must be educational; otherwise they are a complete waste of time. Do you agree or disagree?

#people #children #leisure #activities #waste #time
✨ Do you want to improve your IELTS writing?
Nowadays, there are two different views. One of which is
children
Use synonyms
's leisure activities must be educational, and the other which is not academic, it may be
waste
Correct article usage
a waste
show examples
 of time. I would disagree with the statement.
To begin
Linking Words
 with, if their
children
Use synonyms
 apply themselves and
study
Use synonyms
 hard, they enhance their opportunities for higher education and find a well-paid job.
However
Linking Words
, non-educational activities are significant for their mental and physical growth. The best way to do
this
Linking Words
 is through activities
such
Linking Words
 as sports, games, and play with other kids.
For example
Linking Words
,
children
Use synonyms
 who play team sports can enhance matching, quick decision, and teamwork skills, which is very useful in the future.
Furthermore
Linking Words
, non-educational
also
Linking Words
 helps
children
Use synonyms
's brain development. Playing educational games like solving the riddle or reading a storybook helps
children
Use synonyms
 expand their concentrated skills and make their minds
study
Use synonyms
 new things outside of school. In conclusion, I think it's important to remember that
children
Use synonyms
 need to relax
as well as
Linking Words
 work. If they
study
Use synonyms
 a lot, they will soon be exhausted. They must have a reasonable
study
Use synonyms
 and rest schedule.
Submitted by ngocbich.av.lv2 on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

coherence cohesion
The essay lacks a clear introduction and conclusion. Make sure to include these elements in your essay to provide a proper structure.
task achievement
Ensure that your essay fully addresses the prompt by stating your position clearly in the introduction and providing a definitive conclusion.
task achievement
Provide more specific examples and evidence to support your main points.
coherence cohesion
Expand on the idea that non-educational activities contribute to mental and physical growth. Explain how they enhance skills and abilities.
grammatical range accuracy
Improve the clarity and coherence of your sentences by ensuring subject-verb agreement and using appropriate linking words.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: