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Writing Samples
Band 5.5

The charts below show the average percentages in typical meals of three types of nutrients, all of which may be unhealthy if eaten too much. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.

The charts below show the average percentages in typical meals of three types of nutrients, all of which may be unhealthy if eaten too much. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.
#show #percentages #meals #three #nutrients #summarise #information #features #comparisons
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These pie charts illustrate
us
Change preposition
to us
show examples
 the
consuming
Fix the agreement mistake
consumption of
show examples
 three typical
nutrients
Use synonyms
 which can hurt organs if eaten too much. These
nutrients
Use synonyms
have
Verb problem
are
show examples
 measured in four different meals and are shown
us
Change preposition
to us
show examples
 by percent.
According to
Linking Words
 the pie chart which shows the consuming Sodium, when they eat
dinner
Use synonyms
, they
absorbed
Wrong verb form
absorb
show examples
 43%
that
Change preposition
of that
show examples
.
This
Linking Words
 is
highest
Change the article
the highest
show examples
percent
Replace the word
percentage
show examples
 among the other meals.
Also
Linking Words
, they gained 37% saturated fat when they had a
dinner
Use synonyms
.
However
Linking Words
, they absorbed
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
less
Change preposition
than 30
show examples
30
Change preposition
than 30
show examples
% added
sugar
Use synonyms
Change preposition
at
show examples
in
Change preposition
at
show examples
dinner
Use synonyms
time
Use synonyms
.
On the other hand
Linking Words
, they consumed more than 40% added
sugar
Use synonyms
 in their
snacks
Change the noun form
snack
show examples
time
Use synonyms
 which is the most amount nutrient among other meals.
Furthermore
Linking Words
, when we look at the lunch meal, we understand they consumed 29% sodium and less than 20% added
sugar
Use synonyms
. It is similar to breakfast
that
Correct word choice
in that
show examples
 all of
Use synonyms
nutrients
Add an article
the nutrients
show examples
 were consumed less than 20%. In general, it is obvious the amount of added
sugar
Use synonyms
 in
snacks
Change the noun form
snack
show examples
time
Use synonyms
 is the highest among the
other
Fix the agreement mistake
others
show examples
.
Also
Linking Words
, we must be careful with the use of
thses
Correct your spelling
these
nutrients
Use synonyms
 in
dinner
Use synonyms
time
Use synonyms
 because the US citizens
are
Unnecessary verb
apply
show examples
absorb more than 35% sodium and saturated fat.
Submitted by Syahyaeefar on

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Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "also".
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Basic structure: Change the third paragraph.
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Vocabulary: Replace the words nutrients, dinner, sugar, time with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: Only 4 basic words for charts were used.
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Vocabulary: The word "charts" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "amount" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: Use several vocabularies to present the data in the third paragraph.
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Topic Vocabulary:
  • nutrients
  • unhealthy
  • typical meals
  • percentages
  • saturated fats
  • fibers
  • sugars
  • impact
  • average
  • consumption
  • trends
  • breakfast
  • lunch
  • dinner
  • highest
  • lowest
  • variation
  • implications
  • balanced diet
  • recommendations
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