IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6.5

The chart below shows the places visited by different people living in Canada. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.

The chart below shows the places visited by different people living in Canada. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.
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The bar graph illustrates the most visited places
of
Change preposition
by
show examples
 Canadian residents,
such
Linking Words
 as
cinema
Fix the agreement mistake
cinemas
show examples
,
theatre
Fix the agreement mistake
theatres
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,
library
Fix the agreement mistake
libraries
show examples
, and
zoo
Fix the agreement mistake
zoos
show examples
.
Overall
Linking Words
, Cinema came at the top of the list of those who are born in Canada and New
migrants
Use synonyms
 born in English-speaking
countries
Use synonyms
,
while
Linking Words
 it is second for new
migrants
Use synonyms
 born in other
countries
Use synonyms
.
By contrast
Linking Words
,
Theatre
Correct article usage
the Theatre
show examples
 is
least
Correct article usage
the least
show examples
 visited of all four places. Most of
individuals
Add an article
the individuals
show examples
 who were born in Canada are cinema-goers, with an almost 70% rate, and just about 65% are new
migrants
Use synonyms
 born in
English-Speaking
Correct your spelling
English-speaking
show examples
countries
Use synonyms
. Meanwhile, those new
migrants
Use synonyms
 born in other
countries
Use synonyms
is
Correct subject-verb agreement
are
show examples
 just second
on
Change preposition
in
show examples
 their most visited places, with around 50%
people
Change preposition
of people
show examples
 watching movies in cinemas.
In
Change preposition
On
show examples
contrary
Correct article usage
the contrary
show examples
,
Library
Correct article usage
the Library
show examples
 is
their
Change the word
the
show examples
 first one, which has around 55% of
migrants
Use synonyms
 visiting,
while
Linking Words
 the other two are just under 40%, respectively.
On the other hand
Linking Words
, all types of Canadian residents rarely go to
theatre
Add an article
the theatre
a theatre
show examples
 to watch musicals and plays.
This
Linking Words
 can be seen in their figures illustrated ranging from 10% to 25% only. It
Linking Words
also
Add a missing verb
is also
show examples
 important
mention
Fix the infinitive
to mention
show examples
 that zoo is popular the most among new
migrants
Use synonyms
 born in English-speaking
countries
Use synonyms
, with approximately 50%
visitors
Change preposition
of visitors
show examples
.

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Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "while".
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Vocabulary: Replace the words migrants, countries with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: The word "illustrates" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "around" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: Use several vocabularies to present the data in the second paragraph.
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