IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 6.5

The chart below shows the places visited by different people living in Canada. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.

The chart below shows the places visited by different people living in Canada. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.
#places #people #canada #summarise #information #features #comparisons
The bar graph illustrates the most visited places
of
Change preposition
by
show examples
 Canadian residents,
such
 as
cinema
Fix the agreement mistake
cinemas
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,
theatre
Fix the agreement mistake
theatres
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,
library
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libraries
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, and
zoo
Fix the agreement mistake
zoos
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.
Overall
, Cinema came at the top of the list of those who are born in Canada and New
migrants
 born in English-speaking
countries
,
while
 it is second for new
migrants
 born in other
countries
.
By contrast
,
Theatre
Correct article usage
the Theatre
show examples
 is
least
Correct article usage
the least
show examples
 visited of all four places. Most of
individuals
Add an article
the individuals
show examples
 who were born in Canada are cinema-goers, with an almost 70% rate, and just about 65% are new
migrants
 born in
English-Speaking
Correct your spelling
English-speaking
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countries
. Meanwhile, those new
migrants
 born in other
countries
is
Correct subject-verb agreement
are
show examples
 just second
on
Change preposition
in
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 their most visited places, with around 50%
people
Change preposition
of people
show examples
 watching movies in cinemas.
In
Change preposition
On
show examples
contrary
Correct article usage
the contrary
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,
Library
Correct article usage
the Library
show examples
 is
their
Change the word
the
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 first one, which has around 55% of
migrants
 visiting,
while
 the other two are just under 40%, respectively.
On the other hand
, all types of Canadian residents rarely go to
theatre
Add an article
the theatre
a theatre
show examples
 to watch musicals and plays.
This
 can be seen in their figures illustrated ranging from 10% to 25% only. It
also
Add a missing verb
is also
show examples
 important
mention
Fix the infinitive
to mention
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 that zoo is popular the most among new
migrants
 born in English-speaking
countries
, with approximately 50%
visitors
Change preposition
of visitors
show examples
.
Submitted by mjdf0930 on

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Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "while".
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Vocabulary: Replace the words migrants, countries with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: The word "illustrates" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "around" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: Use several vocabularies to present the data in the second paragraph.
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