Jenny is conducting a research project on cell phone use. The chart shows the percentage of students, and parents of students, at Jenny’s school who owned cell phone over a 14 year period. The table provides the cell phone ownership rate nationwide over the same timeframe.

Jenny is conducting a research project on cell phone use.  The chart shows the percentage of students, and parents of students, at Jenny’s school who owned cell phone over a 14 year period.  The table provides the cell phone ownership rate nationwide over the same timeframe.
The table summarizes the total percentage of people nationally who owned a
phone
between the years 2002 to 2016.
Furthermore
, the line graph compares the
cell
phone
ownership
rates during the same time period, between
students
and
parents
at Jenny's school.
Overall
, the percentage of people who
owned
Wrong verb form
own
show examples
a
phone
increased through the years. As evidently seen from the table, a greater increase in the
ownership
of
cell
phones can be seen from 2002 to 2010, when compared to 2010 to 2016, by 25% and 11% respectively.
Additionally
, over the years,
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
cell
phone
ownership
rates have increased for both
students
and
parents
. The number of
students
who owned a
cell
phone
drastically changed
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
when compared to
parents
. On the one hand ,
initially
, the rate of
phone
Fix the agreement mistake
phones
show examples
owned by
students
increased gradually from 2002 to 2012, after which it skyrocketed by approximately 50 % from 2012 to 2016.
On the other hand
, the number of
parents
who owned a
phone
, gradually increased from 2002 to 2016 by roughly 30%.
On the contrary
, the
cell
phone
ownership
rate for
students
increased by nearly 75% during the same timeframe.
Submitted by vani13padmakumar on

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Vocabulary: Replace the words phone, cell, ownership, students, parents with synonyms.
Vocabulary: Rephrase the word "percentage" in your introduction.
Vocabulary: The word "table" was used 2 times.
Vocabulary: The word "compares" was used 3 times.
Vocabulary: The word "number of" was used 2 times.
Vocabulary: The word "percentage" was used 2 times.
Vocabulary: The word "increased" was used 6 times.
Vocabulary: The word "gradually" was used 2 times.
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