IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 5

Some people argue that space exploration has had more to do with national pride than international effort. To what extent do you agree with? How do you think space exploration will change in the future? Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your knowledge or experience.

#people #space #exploration #pride #effort #change #future
It is argued that
people
 attempt to explore
space
 only to foster the dignity of their
nation
 rather than building
a
Correct the article-noun agreement
apply
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good relations with other countries. I totally agree with the statement and there will be huge changes in the future.
To begin
 with,
space
 exploration nowadays focuses more on the pride of the
nation
. Some countries try their best to go to outer
space
 to find a wonderful invention related to
space
.
This
 is simply because they want to show that they have the advanced technology to reach
space
 and are able to create something new. Take China as an example, which
claim
Change the verb form
claims
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 that they already
explore
Wrong verb form
explored
show examples
space
 and because of that they are able to find an invention which is a new sun. It is obvious that they just want to show their sophisticated technology since we already have the real sun. Having said that, I do believe that in the future
people
 can have access to
space
 even though it is still impossible now.
In other words
, since
people
 now have a high level of curiosity about the
condition
Fix the agreement mistake
conditions
show examples
 in
space
, they probably will find a way to go there. They would create massive means that can bring huge amounts of
people
 to
space
.
As a result
, exploring
space
 may become a regular occurrence and even more can become a favorite tourist destination. All in all, it is undeniable that in
this
 era
people
 pay more attention to
enhance
Wrong verb form
enhancing
show examples
 the level of pride of a
nation
 when exploring
space
 rather than contributing to create something that can benefit not only
for
Change preposition
apply
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their
nation
 but
also
for
Change preposition
apply
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all of the nations on the earth.
Moreover
, going to outer
space
 probably will become
an
Change the article
a
show examples
 usual activity in the future.
Submitted by misstiasclassroom on

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task achievement
Provide more specific examples to support your ideas.
coherence cohesion
Make sure to use clear transitions between ideas for better coherence.
grammatical range and accuracy
Vary your sentence structures for better fluency and complexity.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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