The bar chart below shows the percentages of three groups of Japanese children taking part in four kinds of activities in 2018. Summarize the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant

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The bar graph displays the different age ranges of Japanese children who rode bikes, played

computer

Use synonyms

games

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, read and watched

Use synonyms

in 2018.

Overall

Linking Words

, watching

Use synonyms

had a greater proportion than any other activity, followed by reading and riding a bike,

while

Linking Words

playing

computer

Use synonyms

games

Use synonyms

had the lowest percentage. For kids from 5 to 8 years old, the activity that they did the most was watching

Use synonyms

, with a proportion of 92%,

while

Linking Words

the rest of the activities have a similar percentage; reading with approximately 63%, riding bikes with just 1% less than reading and three-fifth of children play

computer

Use synonyms

games

Use synonyms

. For children in the age range of 9 to 11, the activity that they liked the most was watching

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, with a portion of four-fifths, followed by reading with 70% and

then

Linking Words

riding a bike with just above 60%,

lastly

Linking Words

computer

Use synonyms

games

Use synonyms

with nearly 58%.

Furthermore

Linking Words

, a little above 80% of people from 12 to 16 rode bikes, 80% watched television and 10% read.

Finally

Linking Words

, only two-fifths of individuals from 12 to 16 played

computer

Use synonyms

games

Use synonyms

Submitted by elenazheng1211 on Sun Oct 15 2023

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Sentences: Add more complex sentences.

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Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "while".

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Conclusion: The conclusion is too long.

Vocabulary: Replace the words computer, games, tv with synonyms.

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Vocabulary: Only 6 basic words for charts were used.

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Vocabulary: The word "percentage" was used 2 times.

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Vocabulary: The word "proportion" was used 2 times.

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6
Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
3
Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
0
Grammar mistakes
detected issues

0123456789.0505

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 8.0

Logical structure

Single idea per paragraph

Introduction & conclusion present

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 4.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 6.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 9.0

Complete response

Suitable writing tone

Appropriate word count

4 paragraphs

177 words

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The bar chart below shows the percentages of three groups of Japanese children taking part in four kinds of activities in 2018. Summarize the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant

Planting trees is very important for the environment. Som people says trees should be planted in the vacant areas of cities and towns, while other says housing facilities should be build instead.

Media coverage affects voting patterns in a nation. State the causes and its effects.

These days, there are many different news platforms. What are the functions of news. Is all news in these platforms true?

Completing a university education is thought by some to be the best way to get a good job. On the other hand, other people think that getting experience and developing soft skills is more important. Discuss both sides and give your opinion.

Some people believe the professionals, such as doctors and engineers, should be required to work in the country where they did their training. others believe they should be free to work in another country if they wish. Discuss both these views and give your own opinion.