The bar chart below shows the percentages of three groups of Japanese children taking part in four kinds of activities in 2018. Summarize the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant

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The bar graph displays the different age ranges of Japanese children who rode bikes, played

computer

games

, read and watched

in 2018.

Overall

, watching

had a greater proportion than any other activity, followed by reading and riding a bike,

while

playing

computer

games

had the lowest percentage. For kids from 5 to 8 years old, the activity that they did the most was watching

, with a proportion of 92%,

while

the rest of the activities have a similar percentage; reading with approximately 63%, riding bikes with just 1% less than reading and three-fifth of children play

computer

games

. For children in the age range of 9 to 11, the activity that they liked the most was watching

, with a portion of four-fifths, followed by reading with 70% and

then

riding a bike with just above 60%,

lastly

computer

games

with nearly 58%.

Furthermore

, a little above 80% of people from 12 to 16 rode bikes, 80% watched television and 10% read.

Finally

, only two-fifths of individuals from 12 to 16 played

computer

games

Submitted by elenazheng1211 on Sun Oct 15 2023

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Sentences: Add more complex sentences.

▼

Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "while".

▼

Conclusion: The conclusion is too long.

Vocabulary: Replace the words computer, games, tv with synonyms.

▼

Vocabulary: Only 6 basic words for charts were used.

▼

Vocabulary: The word "percentage" was used 2 times.

▼

Vocabulary: The word "proportion" was used 2 times.

▼

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6Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
3Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
0Grammar mistakes
 

4 paragraphs

177 words

0123456789.0505

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 8.0

Logical structure

Single idea per paragraph

Introduction & conclusion present

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 4.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 6.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 9.0

Complete response

Suitable writing tone

Appropriate word count

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The bar chart below shows the percentages of three groups of Japanese children taking part in four kinds of activities in 2018. Summarize the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant

Some people say that supermarkets should have the responsibility to reduce the amount of packaging for products they sell. Others say it is the resposibility of the consumers to avoid such products. Discuss and give your opinion.

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Some people think that there should be strict laws to control the amount of noise a person makes because of the disturbance it causes to people. Discuss the advantages and disadvantages