Many people believe that playing games and watching TV programs is beneficial but others say it doesn't improve mental ability of children. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

#people #games #tv #programs #doesn #ability #children

Few individuals argue that youngsters learn few

things

watching television and playing video

games

whereas

, others believe that it has detrimental effects by influencing their mind. In my opinion , I support both sides as it has both positive and negative effects. It

Unnecessary verb

apply

show examples

will be discussed in the upcoming paragraphs. On one hand, technology has evolved increasingly by providing various platforms through which children can learn many

things

. One

such

platform is video

games

and television . Since

Remove the comma

apply

show examples

young adults engage in these kinds of activities

along with

their friends it will teach them interpersonal skills and how to work in a team. Various broadcasting platforms create

video

Add an article

a video

show examples

that helps kids to learn easily

Change preposition

about

show examples

topics that they find

Correct pronoun usage

apply

show examples

difficult to learn.

For example

, a famous

youtube

Correct your spelling

YouTube

show examples

channel named Natsya

Remove the comma

apply

show examples

provides videos that are visually appetising and children get to know various

things

like cooking ,

cleaning

Correct word choice

and cleaning

show examples

from the videos.

Thus

, is imperative to spend some

time

virtually learning

few

Correct article usage

a few

show examples

lessons.

On the other hand

, there are a number of negative effects that

comes

Correct subject-verb agreement

come

show examples

from playing virtual

games

and watching television.

To begin

with, kids tend to spend more

time

Change preposition

apply

show examples

watching videos and

palying

Correct your spelling

playing

online without any

time

constrainment

Correct your spelling

constraint

In addition

to that, parents are increasingly concerned about the health issues it might bring to their children as their less physically active in some kind of activity.

As a result

, it would decrease their concentration and focus on studies and make them less involved in their surrounding.

For example

, kids playing

games

online will enjoy,but, they will not be able to develop physical friends and be alone without any friends.

Thus

, it is imperative to

engaging

Change the form of the verb

engage

show examples

in sports and other

extra curricular

Correct your spelling

extracurricular

show examples

activites

Correct your spelling

activities

. In conclusion , it is important to find

balance

Add an article

a balance

the balance

show examples

between

physical

Correct article usage

the physical

show examples

and virtual

world

Fix the agreement mistake

worlds

show examples

. Though

Remove the comma

apply

show examples

they can learn

few

Correct article usage

a few

show examples

things

online ,

but

Correct word choice

apply

show examples

they must limit the amount of

time

spent on it.

Submitted by insighttribez on Mon Oct 16 2023

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

task achievement

Rephrase the introduction to clearly state your position on the topic.

coherence cohesion

Provide a more comprehensive conclusion that summarizes your main points and clearly states your opinion.

coherence cohesion

Ensure that each paragraph has a clear topic sentence and that the ideas in each paragraph are logically organized.

lexical resource

Use more varied and precise vocabulary to strengthen your essay.

grammatical range accuracy

Check your grammar and sentence structure to improve accuracy.

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

for example
for instance
to illustrate this
to give a clear example
such as
namely
to illustrate
take, for example

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Do you want to check your IELTS essays?

Submit unlimited essays, letters and charts. Sign up right now and start improving your writing skills.

9Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
3Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
22Grammar mistakes
 

5 paragraphs

319 words

0123456789.0505

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 4.0

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 4.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 4.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 4.0

Complete response

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

🚀 Prepare for IELTS writing section today!

Unlimited Task 1 checks
Get all the feedback you need to keep improving your charts and letters.
Unlimited Task 2 checks
Practice and perfect your skills with essays.
Personalized suggestions
Know how to boost your score.
Detailed mistakes analysis
Get instant feedback. Spot every mistake.
Topic ideas generator
Get topic-specific ideas to enhance your writing.
Vocabulary helper
Get the right words for any topic.
Progress tracking
Track your writing improvements.

Topic Vocabulary:

cognitive skills
problem-solving
critical thinking
strategy games
educational content
reinforce learning
excessive screen time
mental health
attention deficit disorders
social isolation
foster healthy development
interactivity
retention of information
active participation
virtual context

What to do next:

Look at other essays:

6
band
Discuss a time that you made a decision based on data. How did the data influence a good or bad decision making process? Make sure to choose an example and to describe it in such a way that clearly illustrates your analytical and problem-solving abilities. Limit your response to 300 words
One pivotal instance where I relied on data to make a significant decision was during a network optimization project in my role as a Telecommunication Engineer. We were tasked with improving the performance of a cellular network segment that was experiencing frequent congestion and suboptimal throughput.
6.5
band
In the past, many people had skills such as making their own clothes and doing repairs to things in the house. In many countries, nowadays, skills like these are disappearing. Why do you think this is happening? How far is this situation true in your country? Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience.
There are various skills which got lost in this contemporary epoch that have played a vital role in the lives of people in the past years. Knitting, cleaning, and repairs were done by individuals themselves but no such talents are seen. This essay will delve into the reason behind this changed scenario along with explaining the reality of this in my nation India.
8
band
In recent years, many small local shops have closed because customers travel to large shopping centre or malls to do their shopping. Is this a positive or a negative development?
Shopping is an essential part of our life. Large Shopping malls have been opened at a wide range resulting in the closure of some local markets. This action resulted in attracting a vast number of people towards the malls. In my opinion, I think this is a positive improvement for all the customers.
5.5
band
Some university students want to learn about other subjects in addition to their main subjects. Others believe it is more important to give all their time and attention to studying for a qualification. Discuss both these views and give your opinion.
University education serves as a gateway to knowledge and career prospects. However, there is an ongoing debate about whether students should broaden their horizons by studying subjects beyond their main specialization or focus solely on obtaining a qualification in their chosen field. This essay will explore both perspectives and provide reasons why learning about different subjects other than the core subjects should be ideal.
5
band
Do you agree or disagree with the following statement?It is important to know about events happening around the world, even if it is unlikely that they will affect your daily life.Use specific reasons and examples to support your answer.
In today’s climate, by having wide access to Internet, being aware of current in so easy. It is a widely held view that the events which are happening all around the universe are not related to us since they do not have direct effect in our lives, a theory which I fully disapprove.

Many people believe that playing games and watching TV programs is beneficial but others say it doesn't improve mental ability of children. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Discuss a time that you made a decision based on data. How did the data influence a good or bad decision making process? Make sure to choose an example and to describe it in such a way that clearly illustrates your analytical and problem-solving abilities. Limit your response to 300 words

In recent years, many small local shops have closed because customers travel to large shopping centre or malls to do their shopping. Is this a positive or a negative development?

Some university students want to learn about other subjects in addition to their main subjects. Others believe it is more important to give all their time and attention to studying for a qualification. Discuss both these views and give your opinion.

Do you agree or disagree with the following statement?It is important to know about events happening around the world, even if it is unlikely that they will affect your daily life.Use specific reasons and examples to support your answer.