Many people believe that playing games and watching TV programs is beneficial but others say it doesn't improve mental ability of children. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

#people #games #tv #programs #doesn #ability #children

Few individuals argue that youngsters learn few

things

watching television and playing video

games

whereas

, others believe that it has detrimental effects by influencing their mind. In my opinion , I support both sides as it has both positive and negative effects. It

Unnecessary verb

apply

show examples

will be discussed in the upcoming paragraphs. On one hand, technology has evolved increasingly by providing various platforms through which children can learn many

things

. One

such

platform is video

games

and television . Since

Remove the comma

apply

show examples

young adults engage in these kinds of activities

along with

their friends it will teach them interpersonal skills and how to work in a team. Various broadcasting platforms create

video

Add an article

a video

show examples

that helps kids to learn easily

Change preposition

about

show examples

topics that they find

Correct pronoun usage

apply

show examples

difficult to learn.

For example

, a famous

youtube

Correct your spelling

YouTube

show examples

channel named Natsya

Remove the comma

apply

show examples

provides videos that are visually appetising and children get to know various

things

like cooking ,

cleaning

Correct word choice

and cleaning

show examples

from the videos.

Thus

, is imperative to spend some

time

virtually learning

few

Correct article usage

a few

show examples

lessons.

On the other hand

, there are a number of negative effects that

comes

Correct subject-verb agreement

come

show examples

from playing virtual

games

and watching television.

To begin

with, kids tend to spend more

time

Change preposition

apply

show examples

watching videos and

palying

Correct your spelling

playing

online without any

time

constrainment

Correct your spelling

constraint

In addition

to that, parents are increasingly concerned about the health issues it might bring to their children as their less physically active in some kind of activity.

As a result

, it would decrease their concentration and focus on studies and make them less involved in their surrounding.

For example

, kids playing

games

online will enjoy,but, they will not be able to develop physical friends and be alone without any friends.

Thus

, it is imperative to

engaging

Change the form of the verb

engage

show examples

in sports and other

extra curricular

Correct your spelling

extracurricular

show examples

activites

Correct your spelling

activities

. In conclusion , it is important to find

balance

Add an article

a balance

the balance

show examples

between

physical

Correct article usage

the physical

show examples

and virtual

world

Fix the agreement mistake

worlds

show examples

. Though

Remove the comma

apply

show examples

they can learn

few

Correct article usage

a few

show examples

things

online ,

but

Correct word choice

apply

show examples

they must limit the amount of

time

spent on it.

Submitted by insighttribez on Mon Oct 16 2023

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

task achievement

Rephrase the introduction to clearly state your position on the topic.

coherence cohesion

Provide a more comprehensive conclusion that summarizes your main points and clearly states your opinion.

coherence cohesion

Ensure that each paragraph has a clear topic sentence and that the ideas in each paragraph are logically organized.

lexical resource

Use more varied and precise vocabulary to strengthen your essay.

grammatical range accuracy

Check your grammar and sentence structure to improve accuracy.

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

for example
for instance
to illustrate this
to give a clear example
such as
namely
to illustrate
take, for example

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Do you want to check your IELTS essays?

Submit unlimited essays, letters and charts. Sign up right now and start improving your writing skills.

9Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
3Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
22Grammar mistakes
 

5 paragraphs

319 words

0123456789.0505

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 4.0

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 4.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 4.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 4.0

Complete response

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

🚀 Prepare for IELTS writing section today!

Unlimited Task 1 & Task 2 checks
Practice with essays, charts, and letters.
Personalized suggestions & mistake analysis
Spot every mistake and boost your score.
Topic ideas & vocabulary helpers
Expand your ideas and use the right words.
Progress tracking
Watch your writing improve with every practice.

Topic Vocabulary:

cognitive skills
problem-solving
critical thinking
strategy games
educational content
reinforce learning
excessive screen time
mental health
attention deficit disorders
social isolation
foster healthy development
interactivity
retention of information
active participation
virtual context

What to do next:

Look at other essays:

6.5
band
Some people think women should play an equal role in the police and military while others think women are less suitable for these roles. Discuss both views and give your opinion.
The issue of women's roles in the police and military has elicited divergent opinions. Some argue for gender equality, advocating that women should play an equal role in these institutions, while others believe that certain roles may not be suitable for women. This essay will discuss both perspectives and present my opinion on the matter.
5.5
band
You have returned from your vacation staying at a bed and breakfast. When you checked your bank account, you realised you have been charged twice for the deposit. Write a letter to the bed and breakfast host. In your letter: Thank the host for your stay Explain the double deposit charge situation Ask the host for a refund
I am writing this letter to inform you that we got double charged for the wonderful experience at your hotel.
6.5
band
Write a letter to your landlord to ask about repair work that was not completed successfully. Write What the problem was What the repairs did What you expect
I hope you and your family are all well. I am writing to express my dissatisfaction with an uncompleted repairs work. As you know, I requested you for renovation for a long time.
<4
band
Topic 9: In the future, nobody will buy printed newspapers or books because they will be able to read everything they want online without paying. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this statement?
With the help of technology the world has come a long way .in today's scenario people's lifestyle has be changed a lot from the past . Internet pays a part and parcel role in our life. People can find anything from the internet without getting out from them home . One of the most conspicuous trends of today's world is a colossal upsurge in the number of people who believe that in near future newspaper will be totally replaced by the online news platform .
4
band
In today’s world, private companies rather than the government pay for and conduct most scientific research. Do you think the advantages outweigh the disadvantages?
It is commonly believed that a globalised world has paved the ways humans work on scientific research in recent years. There are two ubiquitous types of organization between a private company and a government sector. Although a public research institute is capable of enhancing a whole society in the long run, I am of opinion that non-goverment firms should be funded to conduct a scitific study instead.

Many people believe that playing games and watching TV programs is beneficial but others say it doesn't improve mental ability of children. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Some people think women should play an equal role in the police and military while others think women are less suitable for these roles. Discuss both views and give your opinion.

Write a letter to your landlord to ask about repair work that was not completed successfully. Write What the problem was What the repairs did What you expect

Topic 9: In the future, nobody will buy printed newspapers or books because they will be able to read everything they want online without paying. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this statement?

In today’s world, private companies rather than the government pay for and conduct most scientific research. Do you think the advantages outweigh the disadvantages?