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Band 4

Many people believe that playing games and watching TV programs is beneficial but others say it doesn't improve mental ability of children. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

#people #games #tv #programs #doesn #ability #children
Few individuals argue that youngsters learn few
things
 watching television and playing video
games
,
whereas
, others believe that it has detrimental effects by influencing their mind. In my opinion , I support both sides as it has both positive and negative effects. It
is
Unnecessary verb
apply
show examples
will be discussed in the upcoming paragraphs. On one hand, technology has evolved increasingly by providing various platforms through which children can learn many
things
 . One
such
 platform is video
games
 and television . Since
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
 young adults engage in these kinds of activities
along with
 their friends it will teach them interpersonal skills and how to work in a team. Various broadcasting platforms create
video
Add an article
a video
show examples
 that helps kids to learn easily
in
Change preposition
about
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 topics that they find
it
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
difficult to learn.
For example
, a famous
youtube
Correct your spelling
YouTube
show examples
 channel named Natsya
,
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apply
show examples
provides videos that are visually appetising and children get to know various
things
 like cooking ,
cleaning
Correct word choice
and cleaning
show examples
 from the videos.
Thus
, is imperative to spend some
time
 virtually learning
few
Correct article usage
a few
show examples
 lessons.
On the other hand
, there are a number of negative effects that
comes
Correct subject-verb agreement
come
show examples
 from playing virtual
games
 and watching television.
To begin
 with, kids tend to spend more
time
on
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apply
show examples
watching videos and
palying
Correct your spelling
playing
 online without any
time
constrainment
Correct your spelling
constraint
.
In addition
 to that, parents are increasingly concerned about the health issues it might bring to their children as their less physically active in some kind of activity.
As a result
, it would decrease their concentration and focus on studies and make them less involved in their surrounding.
For example
, kids playing
games
 online will enjoy,but, they will not be able to develop physical friends and be alone without any friends.
Thus
, it is imperative to
engaging
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engage
show examples
 in sports and other
extra curricular
Correct your spelling
extracurricular
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activites
Correct your spelling
activities
. In conclusion , it is important to find
balance
Add an article
a balance
the balance
show examples
 between
physical
Correct article usage
the physical
show examples
 and virtual
world
Fix the agreement mistake
worlds
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. Though
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
they can learn
few
Correct article usage
a few
show examples
things
 online ,
but
Correct word choice
apply
show examples
they must limit the amount of
time
 spent on it.
Submitted by insighttribez on

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task achievement
Rephrase the introduction to clearly state your position on the topic.
coherence cohesion
Provide a more comprehensive conclusion that summarizes your main points and clearly states your opinion.
coherence cohesion
Ensure that each paragraph has a clear topic sentence and that the ideas in each paragraph are logically organized.
lexical resource
Use more varied and precise vocabulary to strengthen your essay.
grammatical range accuracy
Check your grammar and sentence structure to improve accuracy.

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

  • for example
  • for instance
  • to illustrate this
  • to give a clear example
  • such as
  • namely
  • to illustrate
  • take, for example

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • cognitive skills
  • problem-solving
  • critical thinking
  • strategy games
  • educational content
  • reinforce learning
  • excessive screen time
  • mental health
  • attention deficit disorders
  • social isolation
  • foster healthy development
  • interactivity
  • retention of information
  • active participation
  • virtual context
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