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Writing Samples
Band 5.5

The chart below shows the expenditure on three categories among different age groups of residents in the UK in 2004. Summaries the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.

The chart below shows the expenditure on three categories among different age groups of residents in the UK in 2004. Summaries the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.
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The spending on three categories among various
age
Use synonyms
 groups of citizens in the UK in 2004 is represented by the chart below.
Overall
Linking Words
, it is obvious that the
percentage
Use synonyms
 of
food
Use synonyms
 and drink increases as
people
Use synonyms
 get older
while
Linking Words
 the other two categories vary depending on the
age
Use synonyms
group
Use synonyms
. The money spent on both
food
Use synonyms
 and entertainment increases steadily among the
age
Use synonyms
 groups.
Food
Use synonyms
 started at 6% in the
age
Use synonyms
 under 30 and increased steeply till it reached 17% in the 46-75
age
Use synonyms
group
Use synonyms
.
Moreover
Linking Words
,
the
Correct article usage
apply
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entertainment began at 7% in
people
Use synonyms
 under the
age
Use synonyms
 of 30 and kept rising till it got
to14
Correct your spelling
to 14
% in
people
Use synonyms
 between the 46 and 60 years old.
However
Linking Words
,
food
Use synonyms
 kept increasing till it ended up exceeding 20% in the 76+
age
Use synonyms
group
Use synonyms
,
while
Linking Words
 entertainment dropped to 13% in the
age
Use synonyms
group
Use synonyms
 of 76+ .
On the other hand
Linking Words
, the money spent on restaurants and hotels fluctuated between the
age
Use synonyms
 groups. The
percentage
Use synonyms
 was the highest in
people
Use synonyms
 under the
age
Use synonyms
 of 30 where it was 14%. That
percentage
Use synonyms
 decreased to 12% in the 46-60
age
Use synonyms
group
Use synonyms
. Yet, the
percentage
Use synonyms
 increased steeply in the
age
Use synonyms
group
Use synonyms
 of 76+ to go from 2% to 7%.

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Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "while".
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Introduction: The introduction is missing.
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Introduction: The chart intro is missing.
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Introduction: The chart intro is missing.
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Vocabulary: Replace the words age, percentage, food, people, group with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: The word "percentage" was used 4 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "increases" was used 4 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "steeply" was used 2 times.
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