IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6.5

The chart below shows the proportion of male and female students studying six art related subjects at a UK university in 2011.

The chart below shows the proportion of male and female students studying six art related subjects at a UK university in 2011.
#proportion #students #six #art #subjects #uk #university
✨ Do you want to improve your IELTS writing?
The bar graph compares the male and female
students
Change noun form
students'
student's
show examples
 enrollment
to
Change preposition
in
show examples
 six different art-related
class
Fix the agreement mistake
classes
show examples
 from Linguistics to Philosophy at a UK university in 2011.
Overall
, female participation in the
class
 outweighs
the
Correct determiner usage
that
show examples
male
Change preposition
of male
show examples
students
 and only one
class
 shows the opposite situation
through to
Change preposition
throughout
show examples
 all classes.
While
 one
class
 have huge difference between different sex rest of them have slight differences. Regarding female
students
, enrollment
to
Change preposition
in
show examples
 philosophy
class
Fix the agreement mistake
classes
show examples
 showed a huge difference with male
students
 with a ratio of 150 to 60 respectively.
Also
,
most
Correct article usage
the most
show examples
 popular subject for female
students
 was Linguistics and
Rephrase
apply
show examples
secondly
, History and Archelogy.
Addition
Change preposition
In addition
show examples
 to that, Linguistics saw a second huge difference between the opposite sex which is approximately 240
female
Fix the agreement mistake
females
show examples
 and 160
male
Fix the agreement mistake
males
show examples
. Looking specifically at male
students
, only Art and Design showed more enrollment when
compare
Change the form of the verb
compared
show examples
 with their female colleagues with a ratio of 170 to 150.
However
, female
students
 attend
to
Change preposition
apply
show examples
History and
Archeoloy
Correct your spelling
Archaeology
 and Communication and Media studies more than
male
Fix the agreement mistake
males
show examples
 by nearly 50 people.
Submitted by airbender on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Sentences: Add more complex sentences.
▼
Vocabulary: Replace the words students, class with synonyms.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "compares" was used 2 times.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "shows" was used 3 times.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "difference" was used 4 times.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "ratio" was used 2 times.
▼
What to do next:
Look at other essays: