IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4

Getting promotion is one of the biggest drives for people to apply themselves and work hard in the modern workplace. Why do you think people are so driven to get promotion? What other factors influence people to work hard?

#promotion #drives #people #work #workplace #factors #influence
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Most
people
Use synonyms
work
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 hard to get promoted in
precent
Correct your spelling
recent
per cent
present
employments
Fix the agreement mistake
employment
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. Because
people
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 would like to increase their wages and maintain social
status
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.
This
Linking Words
 essay will describe the main reasons to get a promotion and other motivational factors that encourage
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
employees
Use synonyms
 to
work
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 hard. There are many expenses in our daily life
according to
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 the current economic conditions.
Therefore
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,
people
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 will delight
to get
Change preposition
in getting
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 a
salary
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 increment. One of the easiest ways to increase the
salary
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 is, racking up in their employments. Recent research
was
Unnecessary verb
apply
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identified that
,
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apply
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 around fifty percent of
young
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the young
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 community are trying to develop their academic qualifications to get promoted in their companies.
People
Use synonyms
 would like to show off their social
status
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 by their jobs. Sometimes, social benefits are attached to the working positions.
Therefore
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,
people
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 are looking for promotions to get
a
Correct the article-noun agreement
a salary increment
salary increments
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salary
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 increments and maintain their social
status
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. Some companies share a portion of the annual profits among
employees
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.
Therefore
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, workers could have a higher portion of incentives if they increase the
company
Change noun form
company's
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 profits.
Therefore
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, some
people
Use synonyms
work
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 hard to achieve
targets
Correct article usage
the targets
show examples
 of their company.
Working
Add an article
The working
show examples
 environment
also
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 affects the
employees
Use synonyms
.
People
Use synonyms
 automatically tend to
work
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 hard and love their company
due to
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less
Correct article usage
a less
show examples
 stressful working environment.
Therefore
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,
people
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 are encouraged to
work
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 hard
due to
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 profit sharing among
employees
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 and
stress-free
Correct article usage
a stress-free
show examples
 working atmosphere.
According to
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 my opinion,
people
Use synonyms
 tend to get promoted to get
a
Correct the article-noun agreement
a salary increment
salary increments
show examples
salary
Use synonyms
 increments and maintain their social
status
Use synonyms
.
However
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, some other factors like profit sharing and
working
Correct article usage
the working
show examples
 environment
also
Linking Words
 affect the
people
Use synonyms
 to
work
Use synonyms
 hard.
Submitted by kavindagehan17 on

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Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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