IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 7

The chart below shows the different levels of post-school qualifications in Australia and the proportion of men and women who held them in 1999.

The chart below shows the different levels of post-school qualifications in Australia and the proportion of men and women who held them in 1999.
#levels #post-school #qualifications #australia #proportion #men #women
✨ Do you want to improve your IELTS writing?
The bar chart illustrates the difference between the percentage of
females
Use synonyms
 and males with different post-school qualifications in Australia in 1999.
Overall
Linking Words
, women had the highest
share
Use synonyms
 in two qualifications,
while
Linking Words
men
Use synonyms
 ranked first in three. The highest figures for
females
Use synonyms
 and
men
Use synonyms
 were reported in undergraduate
diplomas
Use synonyms
 and skilled vocational
diplomas
Use synonyms
, respectively. There was a significant difference between the proportions of males and
females
Use synonyms
 in skilled vocational diploma, with the former standing first with 90%. The disparity between the two figures was almost the same for undergraduate
diplomas
Use synonyms
 and postgraduate
diplomas
Use synonyms
.
However
Linking Words
,
although
Linking Words
 in the former women had the highest
share
Use synonyms
 with 70%,
men
Use synonyms
 accounted for the largest percentage in the latter with 70%. Women
also
Linking Words
 ranked first in bachelor’s degrees,
whereas
Linking Words
 the
share
Use synonyms
 of
men
Use synonyms
 was lower by a narrow margin (55% and 45%, respectively).
In contrast
Linking Words
, in the master’s degree, the contribution of
females
Use synonyms
 was 2/3 as high as that of males, as the latter was responsible for the largest
share
Use synonyms
 with 60%.
Submitted by mhmdkhlwd98 on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Basic structure: Change the fifth paragraph.
▼
Vocabulary: Replace the words females, share, men, diplomas with synonyms.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "figures" was used 2 times.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "difference" was used 2 times.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "percentage" was used 2 times.
▼
Vocabulary: Use several vocabularies to present the data in the fifth paragraph.
▼
What to do next:
Look at other essays: