The chart below compares the percentage of time Australian mothers and fathers spent helping their children with four activities in 2013. Summarize the information by selecting and reporting the main features and make comparisons where relevant.

The chart below compares the percentage of time Australian mothers and fathers spent helping their children with four activities in 2013.

Summarize the information by selecting and reporting the main features and make comparisons where relevant.
The bar chart demonstrated data about
in
Change preposition
apply
show examples
one country
parents
Fix the agreement mistake
parent
show examples
helping their children with four activities in 2013. To summarize
it is clear that
Australian
mothers
prefer to help their offspring to dressing
as well as
do their
homework
.
Thus
fathers are good at only doing
homework
but is not more than
mothers
' role.
To begin
with, the
mothers
figure we can see the greatest percentages in all types of activities. First of all, we can see the index which stood tip of the iceberg
this
figure was dressing.
In addition
Add a comma
,
show examples
Australian
mothers
are not only good at raising but
also
there are greatest than their husbands at helping with
homework
for their youngsters.
Thus
according to
fathers,
it is clear that
there is not well to help in any activities but
Australian
fathers can help their children with their
homework
. Generally, we can easily say that
Australian
adults prefer to work together as the categories which they are doing with a
stood peak
Wrong verb form
stand
show examples
at the table.
For example
, playing games
as well as
getting a bed is good for doing both.
Submitted by @ur_davrik on

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Sentences: Add more complex sentences.
Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "as well as, it is clear that, thus".
Introduction: The introduction is missing.
Introduction: Change the first sentence in the introduction.
Introduction: The chart intro is missing.
Introduction: The chart intro is missing.
Vocabulary: Replace the words australian, mothers, homework with synonyms.
Vocabulary: The word "figure" was used 2 times.
Vocabulary: The word "stood" was used 2 times.
Vocabulary: Use several vocabularies to present the data in the second paragraph.
Topic Vocabulary:
  • percentage
  • time spent
  • Australian mothers
  • fathers
  • helping
  • children
  • activities
  • reading
  • homework
  • playing sports
  • general play
  • comparison
  • 2013
  • significantly
  • difference
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