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Writing Samples
Band 6.5

The chart below shows the percentage change in the share of international students among university graduates in different Canadian provinces over a period of 5 years.

The chart below shows the percentage change in the share of international students among university graduates in different Canadian provinces over a period of 5 years.
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The given bar chart represents the
percentage
Use synonyms
 alteration in the share of international
stedents
Correct your spelling
students
 among
university
Use synonyms
 graduates in various Canadian provinces from 2001 to 2006.
Overall
Linking Words
, despite the fact that all lines significantly rosed, changes
of
Change preposition
in
show examples
Britishs
Correct your spelling
British
 Colombia
was
Correct subject-verb agreement
were
show examples
 outgoing,
whereas
Linking Words
, Quebec's score was
most fewer
Correct word choice
lower
show examples
. Now turning to details, in 2006 the
percentage
Use synonyms
 of graduated students increased
for
Change preposition
by
show examples
 6% in
comparision
Correct your spelling
comparison
 to showings in 2001.
Whereas
Linking Words
Quebes
Correct your spelling
Quebec
Use synonyms
university
Capitalize word
University
show examples
 which was one of the top 3 in 2001, did not
had
Change the verb form
have
show examples
 huge anges, than others. The
percentage
Use synonyms
 rise of graduates in QUEBEC
Capitalize word
University
show examples
university
Use synonyms
 did not
reached
Change the verb form
reach
show examples
 even 3% and became
Use synonyms
university
Add an article
a university
show examples
 with
smallest
Change the article
the smallest
show examples
 growth.
Moreover
Linking Words
, from 8
Use synonyms
university
Fix the agreement mistake
universities
show examples
Correct your spelling
only
online
onle
Add a comma
onle,
show examples
 3
ofthem
Correct your spelling
of them
 reached 10%,
whlie
Correct your spelling
while
others
Change noun form
others'
other's
show examples
 progress stopped in
range
Correct article usage
the range
show examples
 of 5%. If in 2006 British Colombia became to
university
Use synonyms
 with high
numer og
Correct your spelling
number of
greduates
Correct your spelling
graduates
,
althogugh
Correct your spelling
although
, in 2001, the situation was dire with 4%. In conclusion,
Bar
Correct article usage
the Bar
show examples
 chart illuminates information about
Use synonyms
percentage
Correct article usage
the percentage
show examples
 change in the share
international
Change preposition
of international
show examples
 students among varied universities
of
Change preposition
in
show examples
 Canadian provinces.

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Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "whereas".
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Vocabulary: Replace the words percentage, university with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: Rephrase the word "percentage" in your introduction.
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Vocabulary: The word "chart" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "changes" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "percentage" was used 4 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "reached" was used 2 times.
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