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Writing Samples
Band 7

The line graph shows the total number of students on a business course at a UK university and the pie charts show the percentage of different nationalities on the course in 1991 and 2011. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features and make comparisons where relevant.

The line graph shows the total number of students on a business course at a UK university and the pie charts show the percentage of different nationalities on the course in 1991 and 2011. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features and make comparisons where relevant.
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The line graph illustrates the total figure of
students
Use synonyms
 who are studying a business
course
Use synonyms
 at a British university from 1991 to 2011 , and the pie charts display the proportion broken down by country.
Overall
Linking Words
, it is evident that, meanwhile, the number of
students
Use synonyms
 in the business
course
Use synonyms
 increased, and the subject experienced a growth in internationalism. What is most striking when looking at the data is the fact that there is an increasing demand from international
students
Use synonyms
.
Whereas
Linking Words
, in 1991, 51 % had British roots,
this
Linking Words
 proportion was reduced to a third in 2011. In consequence, foreign countries
such
Linking Words
 as India and Nigeria increased their percentages by double and 18 %, respectively.
Although
Linking Words
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
this
Linking Words
 upward trend is applicable to several countries, the Italian proportion,
however
Linking Words
, was decreased by 10 %.
Additionally
Linking Words
, the newly gained popularity mainly among foreign
students
Use synonyms
 is
contributed
Verb problem
attributed
show examples
by
Change preposition
to
show examples
 the fact that the total amount steadily increased from 1991 to 2011. In total, the number almost doubled in
this
Linking Words
 time period as the
course
Use synonyms
 started at 67 participants in 1991 and reached its peak at 118 members in 2011. In conclusion, the growing popularity of the business
course
Use synonyms
 is displayed
throughout
Change preposition
by
show examples
 the increased number of
students
Use synonyms
 and the climbing multinationalism.
Submitted by nina-zimmer on

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Vocabulary: Replace the words students, course with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: The word "display" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "number of" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "proportion" was used 3 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "increased" was used 4 times.
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