IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4

Some people believe that the time spent on television, video and computer games can be valuable for children. Others believe this may have negative effects on a child's development. Discuss both of these views and give your own opinion.

#people #time #television #video #computer #games #children #effects #child #development
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Some individuals perceive the
time
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 that
children
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 spend on television, video, and computer games are worth it,
whereas
Linking Words
 others think that there are bad effects on their development. I believe
,
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apply
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 these type of
medias
Correct your spelling
media
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 provide a creative way to learn things, but
this
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 indeed
affect
Change the verb form
affects
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 their mental health
also
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.
This
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 essay will discuss both views
further
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 and provide a concluding view. On the one hand, entertainment industries tend to create their
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contents
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content
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 for
children
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 colourful and lively to keep their attention as long as they can.
This
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 is undeniably effective for those toddlers who watch alphabet videos on
Youtube
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YouTube
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 for long hours
,
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apply
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 and do not get sick of them.
Due to
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this
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 way of presentation to them, they learn faster and
improves
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improve
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 their comprehension skills.
Therefore
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, if controlled moderately, the
time
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 they use to watch or play with these
contents
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,
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apply
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 would greatly help in their early cognitive skills. Meanwhile,
opposing
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the opposing
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 side cited negative effects
on
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of
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this
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 debate,
such
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 as
children
Use synonyms
becomes
Wrong verb form
becoming
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 impatient and irritable when these entertainments are taken away from them. As they engage and focus on television or mobile phone for a long period of
time
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, their minds continuously process all
information
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the information
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 that they see, which exhaust them quickly.
In addition
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,
this
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 could be addictive to
a
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the
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 point that parents can only console them by giving them something to watch on the phone. In conclusion, a creative way to present
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contents
Fix the agreement mistake
content
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 to
children
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 could be extremely beneficial in their learning journey as a child.
Linking Words
Although
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However
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 if
this
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was
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is
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 utilised excessively,
this
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 may lead to affecting their moods and worse,
additiction
Correct your spelling
addiction
. I believe
a
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apply
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proper management of
time
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 for
children
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 to spend on these
contents
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 will be beneficial in the long run.
Submitted by mjdf0930 on

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introduction conclusion present
Ensure a clear and concise introduction and conclusion.
relevant specific examples
Provide more specific examples to support your ideas.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

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