The charts below show the results of a survey about what people of different age groups say makes them most happy. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.
The pie chart compares the results of a public by two different ages and what made them the happiest.
Overall
, it can be seen that,
the majority of both Remove the comma
apply
of
age groups would be happy Change preposition
apply
in
achievement at work, Change preposition
with
however
they would be happy the least in other factors.
When It comes to Add a comma
however,
to
Remove the redundancy
apply
People
who are under 30, the
most of them would be happy when they achieved something at work and it constituted Correct article usage
apply
at
31%. As for Change preposition
apply
people
who were older 30 this
made up 32%. Doing hobbies was the second major thing that could made
happy Change the verb form
make
be made
both
ages, at 22% and 24% respectively.
With regards to Change preposition
for both
people
younger 30
, Having a good appearance and travelling made them happy at 18% and 15% in turn. And financial security was more popular than being with family among Change preposition
than 30
people
older Change preposition
than 30years
30years
old with 20% and 14% respectively. Correct your spelling
30 years
Finally
other factors comprised Add a comma
Finally,
at
14% for Change preposition
apply
whom
under 30 and 10% for Correct pronoun usage
those
whom
older Correct pronoun usage
those
30
Change preposition
than 30
Submitted by @ur_davrik
on
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Conclusion: The conclusion is too long.
Basic structure: Change the third paragraph.
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Basic structure: Change the fourth paragraph.
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Vocabulary: Replace the words people with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: Only 2 basic words for charts were used.
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Vocabulary: Use several vocabularies to present the data in the second paragraph.
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Vocabulary: Use several vocabularies to present the data in the third paragraph.
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Vocabulary: Use several vocabularies to present the data in the fourth paragraph.
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