There is a lot of pressure on young people today to succeed academically. As a result, some people believe that non-academic subjects, such as physical education and cookery, should be removed from the school syllabus so that children can concentrate on academic work. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

#pressure #people #subjects #education #cookery #school #syllabus #children #work

Academic success has been discussed for many years. It is easy to see that there is a lot of pressure on young

people

to achieve high grades in different

subjects

As a result

this

pressure, some

people

believe that non-academic

subjects

should be removed from the school curriculum so that

children

can concentrate more on their academic work. In

this

essay, I will discuss

this

idea and present my own viewpoint. In my opinion, non-academic

subjects

give

children

several advantages and they can survive in the extremely competitive educational field. On the one hand, some

people

believe that non-academic

subjects

can steal

children

's precious time and have no reasonable impact on their educational life.

However

this

idea can be overlooked to some extent, as non-academic teaching not only gives

children

cognitive and self-confidence

Remove the comma

apply

show examples

but

also

evaluates their abilities and gives them ideas for their next steps. To illustrate, students who are talented in sports can express their ability in physical education so that they can apply for all kinds of sports scholarships offered by highly recommended universities and find massive opportunities to get a proper job for their post-education life.

In addition

children

may show an interest in cooking and may want to continue in

this

field and may become

Correct article usage

apply

show examples

well-known

chef

Fix the agreement mistake

chefs

show examples

instead

of being

Correct article usage

apply

show examples

average

student

Fix the agreement mistake

students

show examples

or potential middle-class

worker

Fix the agreement mistake

workers

show examples

On the other hand

, academic life can be quite a high-pressure atmosphere and

children

can be damaged physiologically and it can cause dangerous depression or other mental problems. There is no hesitation that having a kind of mental

problems

Fix the agreement mistake

problem

show examples

can affect their academic success and it turns into a kind of circle from which they cannot escape.

However

, through non-academic

subjects

, students can breathe a different air, which is not competitive and pressured, and

this

can improve their mental health. All in all, some

people

think that non-academic

subjects

are a total waste of time,

while

students can find various opportunities with non-academic

subjects

. For these reasons, I totally disagree with

this

idea.

Submitted by hburakdisli on Sat Oct 21 2023

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

Paragraph 1 - Introduction

Sentence 1 - Background statement
Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
Sentence 3 - Thesis
Sentence 4 - Outline sentence

Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph

Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
Sentence 2 - Example
Sentence 3 - Discussion
Sentence 4 - Conclusion

Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph

Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
Sentence 2 - Example
Sentence 3 - Discussion
Sentence 4 - Conclusion

Paragraph 4 - Conclusion

Sentence 1 - Summary
Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Do you want to check your IELTS essays?

Submit unlimited essays, letters and charts. Sign up right now and start improving your writing skills.

8Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
3Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7Grammar mistakes
 

4 paragraphs

337 words

0123456789.0505

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 4.0

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 5.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 5.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 6.0

Complete response

6.5

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

🚀 Prepare for IELTS writing section today!

Unlimited Task 1 checks
Get all the feedback you need to keep improving your charts and letters.
Unlimited Task 2 checks
Practice and perfect your skills with essays.
Personalized suggestions
Know how to boost your score.
Detailed mistakes analysis
Get instant feedback. Spot every mistake.
Topic ideas generator
Get topic-specific ideas to enhance your writing.
Vocabulary helper
Get the right words for any topic.
Progress tracking
Track your writing improvements.

Topic Vocabulary:

pressure
succeed
academically
non-academic
physical education
cookery
school syllabus
concentrate
academic work
well-rounded
enhancement
practical skills
balanced education system

What to do next:

Look at other essays:

8
band
Many countries have most shops and products as the same. Some consider it a positive development, whereas others consider it negative. Discuss both sides and give your opinion.
Opinions are divided on whether the homogenization of retail outlets and products across nations is a beneficial or harmful development. While I can understand the merits of this development, I ultimately lean towards the view that it poses considerable socio-cultural risks.
7.5
band
You recently received a letter from a friend asking for advice about whether to go to college or to try to get a job. You think he/she should get a job. Write a letter to this friend. In your letter: say why he/she would not enjoy going to college explain why getting a job is a good idea for him/her suggest types of job that would be suitable for him/her Write at least 150 words. You do NOT need to write any addresses. Begin your letter as follows: Dear ...................,
I hope this message finds you well and that you are enjoying your post-graduation phase. I received your letter last week inquiring about potential career opportunities or pursuing further education.
4.5
band
Some people think that parents should teach their children how to be good members of society. Others, however, believe that school is the best place to learn this. Discuss both views and give your own opinion.
a small fraction of the total number of students attending schools, and thus sending children to schools cannot be the best method of educating them to be good members of society.
4
band
In some countries a few people earn extremely high salaries. Some people think that this is good for a country, while others believe that the government should control salaries and limit the amount people can earn. Discuss both points of view and give your opinion.
Labor market changes every day, the world progress does not stay at the same point. Some jobs are getting more popular, meanwhile others gradually disappearing. That is why market economy has significant gap between different subject specialists. Some people consider that it is great that professionals have high salaries, while others reckon that government need to control this field and cope with enormous salaries.
6
band
In some countires , owning a home rather than renting one is very important for people Why might be this case? Do you think this is a positive or negative situation?
In our modern society, in some parts of the world , it is crucial for individuals to dwell in their own homes instead of renting an apartment. This kind of approach is mainly related to having an estate for the future . In my opinion, this phenomenon has both cons and pros.

Fully explain your ideas

Many countries have most shops and products as the same. Some consider it a positive development, whereas others consider it negative. Discuss both sides and give your opinion.

Some people think that parents should teach their children how to be good members of society. Others, however, believe that school is the best place to learn this. Discuss both views and give your own opinion.

In some countries a few people earn extremely high salaries. Some people think that this is good for a country, while others believe that the government should control salaries and limit the amount people can earn. Discuss both points of view and give your opinion.

In some countires , owning a home rather than renting one is very important for people Why might be this case? Do you think this is a positive or negative situation?