There is a lot of pressure on young people today to succeed academically. As a result, some people believe that non-academic subjects, such as physical education and cookery, should be removed from the school syllabus so that children can concentrate on academic work. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

#pressure #people #subjects #education #cookery #school #syllabus #children #work

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Academic success has been discussed for many years. It is easy to see that there is a lot of pressure on young

people

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to achieve high grades in different

subjects

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As a result

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this

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pressure, some

people

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believe that non-academic

subjects

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should be removed from the school curriculum so that

children

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can concentrate more on their academic work. In

this

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essay, I will discuss

this

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idea and present my own viewpoint. In my opinion, non-academic

subjects

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give

children

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several advantages and they can survive in the extremely competitive educational field. On the one hand, some

people

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believe that non-academic

subjects

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can steal

children

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's precious time and have no reasonable impact on their educational life.

However

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this

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idea can be overlooked to some extent, as non-academic teaching not only gives

children

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cognitive and self-confidence

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apply

show examples

but

also

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evaluates their abilities and gives them ideas for their next steps. To illustrate, students who are talented in sports can express their ability in physical education so that they can apply for all kinds of sports scholarships offered by highly recommended universities and find massive opportunities to get a proper job for their post-education life.

In addition

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children

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may show an interest in cooking and may want to continue in

this

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field and may become

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apply

show examples

well-known

chef

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chefs

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instead

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of being

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apply

show examples

average

student

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students

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or potential middle-class

worker

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workers

show examples

On the other hand

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, academic life can be quite a high-pressure atmosphere and

children

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can be damaged physiologically and it can cause dangerous depression or other mental problems. There is no hesitation that having a kind of mental

problems

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problem

show examples

can affect their academic success and it turns into a kind of circle from which they cannot escape.

However

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, through non-academic

subjects

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, students can breathe a different air, which is not competitive and pressured, and

this

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can improve their mental health. All in all, some

people

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think that non-academic

subjects

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are a total waste of time,

while

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students can find various opportunities with non-academic

subjects

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. For these reasons, I totally disagree with

this

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idea.

Submitted by hburakdisli on Sat Oct 21 2023

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For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

Paragraph 1 - Introduction

Sentence 1 - Background statement
Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
Sentence 3 - Thesis
Sentence 4 - Outline sentence

Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph

Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
Sentence 2 - Example
Sentence 3 - Discussion
Sentence 4 - Conclusion

Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph

Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
Sentence 2 - Example
Sentence 3 - Discussion
Sentence 4 - Conclusion

Paragraph 4 - Conclusion

Sentence 1 - Summary
Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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8
Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
3
Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7
Grammar mistakes
detected issues

0123456789.0505

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 4.0

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 5.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 5.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 6.0

Complete response

6.5

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

4 paragraphs

337 words

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Topic Vocabulary:

pressure
succeed
academically
non-academic
physical education
cookery
school syllabus
concentrate
academic work
well-rounded
enhancement
practical skills
balanced education system

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