There is a lot of pressure on young people today to succeed academically. As a result, some people believe that non-academic subjects, such as physical education and cookery, should be removed from the school syllabus so that children can concentrate on academic work. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

#pressure #people #subjects #education #cookery #school #syllabus #children #work

Academic success has been discussed for many years. It is easy to see that there is a lot of pressure on young

people

to achieve high grades in different

subjects

As a result

this

pressure, some

people

believe that non-academic

subjects

should be removed from the school curriculum so that

children

can concentrate more on their academic work. In

this

essay, I will discuss

this

idea and present my own viewpoint. In my opinion, non-academic

subjects

give

children

several advantages and they can survive in the extremely competitive educational field. On the one hand, some

people

believe that non-academic

subjects

can steal

children

's precious time and have no reasonable impact on their educational life.

However

this

idea can be overlooked to some extent, as non-academic teaching not only gives

children

cognitive and self-confidence

Remove the comma

apply

show examples

but

also

evaluates their abilities and gives them ideas for their next steps. To illustrate, students who are talented in sports can express their ability in physical education so that they can apply for all kinds of sports scholarships offered by highly recommended universities and find massive opportunities to get a proper job for their post-education life.

In addition

children

may show an interest in cooking and may want to continue in

this

field and may become

Correct article usage

apply

show examples

well-known

chef

Fix the agreement mistake

chefs

show examples

instead

of being

Correct article usage

apply

show examples

average

student

Fix the agreement mistake

students

show examples

or potential middle-class

worker

Fix the agreement mistake

workers

show examples

On the other hand

, academic life can be quite a high-pressure atmosphere and

children

can be damaged physiologically and it can cause dangerous depression or other mental problems. There is no hesitation that having a kind of mental

problems

Fix the agreement mistake

problem

show examples

can affect their academic success and it turns into a kind of circle from which they cannot escape.

However

, through non-academic

subjects

, students can breathe a different air, which is not competitive and pressured, and

this

can improve their mental health. All in all, some

people

think that non-academic

subjects

are a total waste of time,

while

students can find various opportunities with non-academic

subjects

. For these reasons, I totally disagree with

this

idea.

Submitted by hburakdisli on Sat Oct 21 2023

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Fully explain your ideas

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Paragraph 1 - Introduction

Sentence 1 - Background statement
Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
Sentence 3 - Thesis
Sentence 4 - Outline sentence

Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph

Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
Sentence 2 - Example
Sentence 3 - Discussion
Sentence 4 - Conclusion

Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph

Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
Sentence 2 - Example
Sentence 3 - Discussion
Sentence 4 - Conclusion

Paragraph 4 - Conclusion

Sentence 1 - Summary
Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

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8Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
3Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7Grammar mistakes
 

4 paragraphs

337 words

0123456789.0505

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 4.0

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 5.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 5.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 6.0

Complete response

6.5

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

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Topic Vocabulary:

pressure
succeed
academically
non-academic
physical education
cookery
school syllabus
concentrate
academic work
well-rounded
enhancement
practical skills
balanced education system

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The spread of a ‘global language’ such as English will threaten national languages. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this opinion?

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Art is considered an essential part of all cultures throughout the world. However, these days fewer and fewer people appreciate art and turn their focus to science, technology and business. Why do you think that is? What could be done to encourage more people to take an interest in the arts?

Modern medical science has made it possible to combat many diseases. This is one reason that people are living longer lives now than they did in the past. Discuss the effects this might have on society.