IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5.5

Some people believe that violence on television and in computer games has a damaging effect on society. Others deny that these have any significant influence on people's behaviour. What is your opinion?

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Violent
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contents
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content
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 on television and online
games
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 has been a compelling issue. There are opposing views on the
effect
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 of violent
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contents
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content
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. A few
number of
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apply
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people
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 think that it has a negative
effect
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in
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on
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 the community,
whereas
Linking Words
 some disagree that it has a strong influence on an individual's way of thinking. It is argued that violent media
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contents
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content
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 can impact
someone
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's
behavior
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behaviour
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. In
this
Linking Words
 essay, I will discuss
negative
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the negative
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 effects of media content in
the
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apply
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society. Seeing
a violent
Correct the article-noun agreement
violent content
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contents
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 from
an online
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online games
an online game
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games
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 or television can cause trauma to an individual.
Although
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 individuals are not a part of those
contents
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, their brains tend to unconsciously apply what they have seen in
Add a hyphen
real-life
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real life
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real-life
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 situations.
For instance
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, if
someone
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 keep on playing violent
games
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 all the time, they lose real social interaction skills
,
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apply
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 and tend to become violent with real human.
Therefore
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, seeing
a
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apply
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violent media
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contents
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content
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 makes them short-tempered and violent.
Moreover
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,
lack
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the lack
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 of restrictions on what
people
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 can see online makes them think that violence is a normal thing that happens daily.
For example
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, citizens of
notorious
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a notorious
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 country like
Philippines
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the Philippines
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 are always anxious that
someone
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 is going to attack them on the
the
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apply
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street, so when feeling like something is not right, they attack
someone
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 first to protect themselves.
Thus
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, seeing
a
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apply
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violent content can negatively influence a person's way of thinking.
To conclude
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,
although
Linking Words
 a number of
people
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 view that violent content on television and in online
games
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 has no accurate
effect
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 on
people
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's
behavior
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behaviour
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, few
people
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 still think that it has a detrimental
effect
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 on
the
Correct article usage
apply
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society.
On
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In
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 my personal view, it has a strong influence on how
people
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 behave. The authorities should provide more
restriction
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restrictions
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 on
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contents
Fix the agreement mistake
content
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 available for
people
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 to see.

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • desensitize
  • aggressive behavior
  • emotional and psychological development
  • impair
  • empathy
  • contributing factor
  • distinction
  • fiction and reality
  • mature audiences
  • reflective
  • prevalence
  • societal issues
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