IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 4.5

The table below shows the percentage of the population by agw groups in one town who rode bicycles in 2001

The table below shows the percentage of the population by agw groups in one town who rode bicycles in 2001
#percentage #population #agw #groups #town #bicycles
The table below
expose
Change the verb form
exposes
show examples
 the percentages of
resident
Add an article
the resident
show examples
 through
age
groups
 who rode
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
bicycles
 in one city in the year
of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
2011. In an overview, there are 2 very noticeable features.
Firstly
, there are
highest
Correct word choice
higher
show examples
 percentage of
females
 at all ages than
males
Correct pronoun usage
who rode
show examples
rode
Wrong verb form
ride
show examples
bicycles
.
Secondly
, the points of people
rode
Correct pronoun usage
who rode
show examples
bicycles
 between 18 and 59
both
Change preposition
for both
show examples
 genders were lower than for other
age
groups
. In detail,
females
 have a
highly
Change the adverb
high
show examples
 point with around 51.3
percent
Change the spelling
per cent
show examples
.
This
 is
in contrast
 with the
males
, nearly 2
percent
Change the spelling
per cent
show examples
 more than
them
Correct pronoun usage
those
show examples
 who cycled in the
age
groups
 between 0-9 and 10-17. People between 18 and 59 ages rode
bicycles
 less than other
age
groups
.
This
 is in
females
was
Unnecessary verb
apply
show examples
between 12.3 and 17.1
percent
Change the spelling
per cent
show examples
, but in
males
Add a comma
males,
show examples
this
 is less nearly 2 times with around 9.7 and 8.0 .
In contrast
 , the
females
 and
males
 of
cyclist's
Change noun form
cyclists
show examples
 both percentages have risen a few
than
Correct quantifier usage
more than
show examples
 written above with about 18.5 and 13.2
percent
Change the spelling
per cent
show examples
who
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
aged 60+ . 155 words.
Submitted by ieltsteaching0 on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Sentences: Add more complex sentences.
▼
Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "in contrast".
▼
Introduction: The introduction is missing.
▼
Introduction: Change the first sentence in the introduction.
▼
Introduction: The chart intro is missing.
▼
Introduction: The chart intro is missing.
▼
Vocabulary: Replace the words age, groups, bicycles, females, males, percent with synonyms.
▼
Vocabulary: Only 5 basic words for charts were used.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "percentages" was used 3 times.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "nearly" was used 2 times.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "around" was used 2 times.
▼
Vocabulary: Use several vocabularies to present the data in the sixth paragraph.
▼

Essentional vocabulary list for IELTS Writing 7+

Learn how to write high-scoring essays with powerful words.
Download Free PDF and start improving you writing skills today!
What to do next:
Look at other essays: