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Band 5.5

As global trade increases, many goods, including those we use on a daily basis, are produced in other countries and have to be transported long distances. Do the benefits of this trend outweigh the drawbacks?

#trade #increases #goods #basis #countries #distances #trend
These days, many
products
 including the daily basis ones are manufactured in different
countries
 and must be carried from long distances, as worldwide trade increases. There are several reasons why I believe that the shortcomings do not outweigh its benefits. On the one hand, a potential disadvantage is an increased adverse balance of trade.
For example
, the ability of Indonesia’s
neighbour
Replace the word
neighbouring
show examples
countries
 to provide high-quality and affordable prices on
goods
such
 as electronics and vehicles affects its local
products
.
As a result
, people tended towards foreign
goods
 and our industries went bankrupt. Another perceived downside is the lack of job opportunities since local companies are limiting
a
Change the article
the
show examples
 number of employees
due to
 the minimum of daily productions.
On the other hand
, a main advantage of utilizing
goods
 that are manufactured in other
countries
 is that individuals have access to widespread use of
products
 of different levels of quality.
For instance
, mobile gadgets that play a vital role on a daily basis are served by some
countries
 with different qualities and prices. It will be a good chance for local companies to boost the quality of their
products
. As many as the productions that balance the customer demand will decrease the price. Another impact is that transportation long distances help our commodities
such
 as agricultural
products
 (coffee, cacao., etc) to reach global trade more easily.
Thus
, will benefit from more exports. Conclusion,
therefore
 is true that using other
countries
’
goods
 seems disadvantageous under the circumstances.
However
, I believe its positive effects in terms of a fair contest between companies and a high chance to transport
widespread
Correct word choice
apply
show examples
our local commodities override the shortcomings
Submitted by misstiasclassroom on

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coherence cohesion
Ensure that your essay maintains a consistent logical structure throughout. Transition sentences between paragraphs could be improved to make the flow of ideas smoother. Try to outline your main arguments at the end of your introduction, and ensure that your conclusion summarises your views without introducing new ideas.
task achievement
Although you have made an attempt to answer the question, the response could be more complete by directly addressing how the benefits outweigh the drawbacks. Include more elaboration on why the advantages are significant enough to surpass the disadvantages mentioned. Additionally, work on the clarity of your ideas by ensuring that every point made is fully explained and supported by relevant examples.
lexical resource and grammatical range
There are instances where word choice could be improved for precision and clarity. Make use of a range of vocabulary but ensure that it is used appropriately. Also, consider varying your sentence structures to include more complex forms which can display a wider lexical range.

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

  • for example
  • for instance
  • to illustrate this
  • to give a clear example
  • such as
  • namely
  • to illustrate
  • take, for example

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