IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 1

Some people believe that professional sportsmen and women are paid too much money nowadays in relation to their usefulness to society. Do you agree or disagree?

#people #sportsmen #women #money #relation #usefulness #society
Nowadays some professional male and female
athelets
Correct your spelling
athletes
 are
spent
Wrong verb form
spending
show examples
alot
Correct your spelling
a lot
 of money on
to
Change preposition
apply
show examples
society
Change noun form
society's
show examples
 usefulness. Some people think spending money on social
benefit
Fix the agreement mistake
benefits
show examples
 is by regular sportsmen and women.
In
Change preposition
On
show examples
 the other hand, others do not. Meanwhile,
thinking on
Verb problem
the
show examples
 helpfulness of
socity
Correct your spelling
society
depend
Correct subject-verb agreement
depends
show examples
 on
humanity
Correct article usage
the humanity
show examples
 of
players
Correct article usage
the players
show examples
.
Finally
,
in
Change preposition
apply
show examples
these days most
of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
watchers believe that sportsmen and women are given their own money
to
Change preposition
for
show examples
 community benefit. In
this
Correct your spelling
statement
statment
Add a comma
statment,
show examples
 we
disscused
Correct your spelling
discussed
humane
Correct your spelling
human
show examples
opinin
Correct your spelling
opinions
 about how much sporters paid
for helping
Change preposition
to help
show examples
persons
Replace the word
people
show examples
 from their environment.
Overll
Correct your spelling
Overall
 anybody who
try
Correct subject-verb agreement
tries
show examples
 to assist
humane
Change the word
humanely
show examples
this
 is a top meaning of kindly and generously.
Submitted by zr.a.r on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: