IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 5

Many children are encouraged by their parents to get a part time job in their free time. What are the advantages and disadvantages to children of doing this?

#children #parents #part #time #job
Nowadays, most parents believe that it is worth
for
Correct pronoun usage
it for
show examples
 their children to
work
 on some part-time jobs in their spare time.
This
 time spending has both pros and cons. Indeed, in present days it is challenging to make a decision for almost rest the life as a teenager and choosing a career path.
The
Correct article usage
A
show examples
 part-time job is a good way of comprehending wishes and revealing inclinations, which may
also
 help teenagers to try themselves in disparate areas
such
 as hospitality, before going to university.
For instance
, underworking with flexitime in a café nearest to the individual’s house can bring various advantages starting from an improvement in communication skills.
Moreover
, some parents do not have a steady
work
 or permanent income to provide their child with pocket money and satisfy all their wants. In
this
 way, youth are able to earn money by themselves and spend on their wants
such
 as fashion clothes, games and other entertainments.
In contrast
, in these ages, the main responsibility appears as studying at school and preparing for
further
 exams in order to enter college. Meanwhile, teenagers may switch attention to earning money and understand that there is no necessity to get a higher level of education if they can
work
 right now without any qualifications. Because of their young age, absence of expertise and lack of
work
 experience young people may fall into the trick of scammers and be used as cheap employees.
As a result
, these overworking and understated payments will probably be the cause of tiredness and unwish to do anything, which leads to
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
burnout.
Overall
, there are some benefits from working as a child,
although
 it may negatively influence
on
Change preposition
apply
show examples
the health and emotional state.
Submitted by arinatiutina on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

  • for example
  • for instance
  • to illustrate this
  • to give a clear example
  • such as
  • namely
  • to illustrate
  • take, for example

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: