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Band 6

in the future people may longer be able to pay for things in shops using cash. all payments may have to be made by card or using phones do you think this will happen one day? why do you think some people might not be happy to give up using cash?

#future #people #shops #cash #payments #card #phones
Developing has many effects on human life and one of the most important changes is about
money
 and the useful ways to use it. In my view, definitely paper
money
 will be replaced with online budgets and cards,
furthermore
, some
people
 will not be satisfied because of paying heavy taxes. Since the Internet has developed currency the ways of paying for purchases and paying bills have faced big revolutions.
Firstly
, Because of the heavy cost of the process of preparing paper
money
, the government decided to develop online platforms with cards and suitable mobile applications to reduce them.
Moreover
, with these payments, uteritis has more access to observe their
people
's income and their investment,
as a result
, they are able to give more tax because all of the
money
 transactions are saved in the computers.
On the other hand
, modern civilization contributes to the existence of a hectic lifestyle,
initially
, citizens do not have enough time to go to the bank and receive
cash
,
furthermore
, they are not able to carry a mass of
cash
 with them.
Secondly
, all
people
 know that paper
money
 is not environmentally friendly and causes many disasters,
such
 as cutting down trees or deforestation.
However
, a group of
people
 like to use
cash
 to hide their
money
 and prefer not to pay taxes, so they feel unhappy with virtual payment. In conclusion, in my idea, in the future, online platforms in mobiles and cards used for paying
money
, because of their benefit to the government, humans and nature. But there are some
people
 who will not be satisfied with paying taxes and prefer
cash
.
Submitted by zare.19866 on

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Task Response
Task Response: The essay partially addresses the prompt, but lacks depth and relevant examples. It is important to fully address the question with clear and developed ideas.
Coherence and Cohesion
Coherence and Cohesion: The logical structure is somewhat maintained, and the introduction and conclusion are present. However, there are issues with supporting main points and the overall flow of the essay, which affects coherence and cohesion.
Lexical Resource
Lexical Resource: The use of vocabulary is adequate, but some terms are used inappropriately. It is important to use precise and accurate vocabulary to convey ideas effectively.
Grammatical Range
Grammatical Range: There are several grammatical issues throughout the essay, including tense usage, sentence structure, and word choice. It is crucial to review and improve grammatical accuracy to enhance clarity and coherence.

Fully explain your ideas

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For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • digital payments
  • convenient
  • efficiency
  • reduce crime
  • tangibility
  • privacy
  • limited access to technology
  • job losses
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