Many manufactured food and drink products contain high levels of sugar, which causes many health problems. Sugary products should be made more expensive to encourage people to consume less sugar. Do you agree or disagree?

#food #drink #products #levels #sugar #health #people

many processed dishes and drink

products

consist of vast

amount

Fix the agreement mistake

amounts

show examples

sugar

,which

provides

Verb problem

causes

show examples

many

health

issues.Sugary

products

should be more costly to make

people

Change the verb form

apply

show examples

consume less

sugar

am absolutely agree

Change the verb form

absolutely agree

show examples

with

this

statement. If foods that contain

high

Add an article

a high

show examples

level of

sugar

was more expensive,

people

would eat less

sugar

Due to

their high price most

Change preposition

apply

show examples

people

come to a decision to buy less sugary

products

Instead

of buying unhealthy and useless food,

people

who think about their wallet and

health

will buy only healthy food.

For instance

, one kilogram of apples cost 2 dollars, at the same time cake costs 12 dollars, and you can purchase 6 kilogram of apples rather than cake.

In other

words

Add a comma

words,

show examples

you will save your money and your

health

too.

Furthermore

person

Add an article

the person

a person

show examples

who consume sugary

products

in enormous amount,need to treat his

health

problems.Under

this

circumstance

Add a comma

circumstance,

show examples

look

Change the verb form

looks

show examples

for finance and

ask

Change the verb form

asks

show examples

around for help. We all know that treatments and drugs today is the most expensive service.

Therefore

he will think of cutting down

quantity

Add an article

the quantity

show examples

of sugary dishes that have high

cost

Fix the agreement mistake

costs

show examples

Then

use only vegetables, fruits and other organic foods. In that

case

Add a comma

case,

show examples

you do not

need

Add the particle

need to

show examples

spend money on

health

problems and chocolates. In conclusion, being addicted to

sugar

is increasing every year.If we follow to idea about

price

Add an article

the price

show examples

of sugary

products

,we will provide

bright

Correct article usage

a bright

show examples

future without illness.

Submitted by ielts8bandplus on Mon Oct 23 2023

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Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

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When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

for example
for instance
to illustrate this
to give a clear example
such as
namely
to illustrate
take, for example

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8Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
4Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
17Grammar mistakes
 

4 paragraphs

224 words

<4

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 6.0

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 4.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 4.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 6.0

Complete response

7.5

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

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Topic Vocabulary:

health problems
manufactured food and drink products
sugary products
excessive sugar consumption
discourage
promote
healthier choices
reduce
increased taxes
fund
health education
prevention programs

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Many manufactured food and drink products contain high levels of sugar, which causes many health problems. Sugary products should be made more expensive to encourage people to consume less sugar. Do you agree or disagree?

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Essentional vocabulary list for IELTS Writing 7+

Do you agree or disagree with the following statement? “Overall, the widespread use of the internet has a mostly positive effect on life in today’s world.” Use reasons and details to support your opinion.

some university students want to learn about other subjects in addition to their main subjects. others believe it is more important to give all their time and attention to studying for a qualification. discuss both these views and give your own opinion.

With the widespread use of interent , more and more peolpe choose to work from home. Do the advantage of this trend outwight the disadvantage?

The average standard of people's health is likely to be lower in the future than it is now. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this statement?

The increase in production and consumption of meat has resulted in the destruction of the natural environment. What is the cause?What can be done to solve the problem?