IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4

The older people who need employment have to complete with younger ones. What problems can this create? What are some solutions?

#people #employment #ones #create
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The elderly have to rival younger
people
Use synonyms
 for work.
This
Linking Words
 can cause the major issue that older
people
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can
Verb problem
do
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 not have much income, the best solution in
this
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 case is that the
government
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 must pay more attention to
Correct article usage
the elder
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elder
Replace the word
elderly
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 community and protect their
career
Fix the agreement mistake
careers
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. The problem
can
Correct pronoun usage
that can
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 be created is that the elderly will earn enough
money
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. Less income can make their life become poor and it will be too difficult for them and their family. They may not afford to pay
money
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 for food or health and perhaps they have
child
Add an article
a child
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 and they have to spend more
money
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 on their child for education, their child has to grow up in bad condition, they are illiterate and can commit a crime. Take
USA
Correct article usage
the USA
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 as
a
Change the article
an
show examples
 example, where
have
Wrong verb form
there is
show examples
high
Add an article
a high
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 rate of employment, a lot of old
people
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loss
Replace the word
lose
show examples
 their
job
Fix the agreement mistake
jobs
show examples
 and become homeless. To
solved
Change the form of the verb
solve
show examples
 that problem, the
government
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 must pay more attention
on
Change preposition
to
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elderly
Correct article usage
the elderly
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 who can not compete with younger ones to be employed. They can create some rules about
stable
Add an article
the stable
a stable
show examples
Fix the agreement mistake
jobs
show examples
job
Fix the agreement mistake
jobs
show examples
 for
people
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 or about
any thing
Correct your spelling
anything
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relate
Wrong verb form
related
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 to
Correct article usage
apply
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the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
social insurance when they
Replace the word
lose
show examples
loss
Replace the word
lose
show examples
Correct pronoun usage
their
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the
Change the word
their
show examples
 work. That can be
effectively
Replace the adverb
effective
show examples
, they can have some advantages when they work for
company
Add an article
the company
a company
show examples
 for a long time and can not
fire
Wrong verb form
be fired
show examples
them
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
easily or when they
loss
Replace the word
lose
show examples
the
Change the word
their
show examples
 job they still have an income from the
government
Use synonyms
 to continue their life. In conclusion, the competition for employment between older and younger
people
Use synonyms
 can cause the issue that old
people
Use synonyms
 can earn less
money
Use synonyms
 and the
government
Use synonyms
 can solve
this
Linking Words
 by creating rules about protecting their jobs and advantages.
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To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • Ageism
  • Generational divide
  • Technological advancements
  • Skills gap
  • Job scarcity
  • Industry preferences
  • Pension expenditure
  • Financial planning
  • Employability
  • Retraining programs
  • Upskilling opportunities
What to do next:
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