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Band 4

The older people who need employment have to complete with younger ones. What problems can this create? What are some solutions?

#people #employment #ones #create
The elderly have to rival younger
people
 for work.
This
 can cause the major issue that older
people
can
Verb problem
do
show examples
 not have much income, the best solution in
this
 case is that the
government
 must pay more attention to
Correct article usage
the elder
show examples
elder
Replace the word
elderly
show examples
 community and protect their
career
Fix the agreement mistake
careers
show examples
. The problem
can
Correct pronoun usage
that can
show examples
 be created is that the elderly will earn enough
money
. Less income can make their life become poor and it will be too difficult for them and their family. They may not afford to pay
money
 for food or health and perhaps they have
child
Add an article
a child
show examples
 and they have to spend more
money
 on their child for education, their child has to grow up in bad condition, they are illiterate and can commit a crime. Take
USA
Correct article usage
the USA
show examples
 as
a
Change the article
an
show examples
 example, where
have
Wrong verb form
there is
show examples
high
Add an article
a high
show examples
 rate of employment, a lot of old
people
loss
Replace the word
lose
show examples
 their
job
Fix the agreement mistake
jobs
show examples
 and become homeless. To
solved
Change the form of the verb
solve
show examples
 that problem, the
government
 must pay more attention
on
Change preposition
to
show examples
elderly
Correct article usage
the elderly
show examples
 who can not compete with younger ones to be employed. They can create some rules about
stable
Add an article
the stable
a stable
show examples
Fix the agreement mistake
jobs
show examples
job
Fix the agreement mistake
jobs
show examples
 for
people
 or about
any thing
Correct your spelling
anything
show examples
relate
Wrong verb form
related
show examples
 to
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
social insurance when they
Replace the word
lose
show examples
loss
Replace the word
lose
show examples
Correct pronoun usage
their
show examples
the
Change the word
their
show examples
 work. That can be
effectively
Replace the adverb
effective
show examples
, they can have some advantages when they work for
company
Add an article
the company
a company
show examples
 for a long time and can not
fire
Wrong verb form
be fired
show examples
them
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
easily or when they
loss
Replace the word
lose
show examples
the
Change the word
their
show examples
 job they still have an income from the
government
 to continue their life. In conclusion, the competition for employment between older and younger
people
 can cause the issue that old
people
 can earn less
money
 and the
government
 can solve
this
 by creating rules about protecting their jobs and advantages.

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To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • Ageism
  • Generational divide
  • Technological advancements
  • Skills gap
  • Job scarcity
  • Industry preferences
  • Pension expenditure
  • Financial planning
  • Employability
  • Retraining programs
  • Upskilling opportunities
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