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Writing Samples
Band 5.5

The chart above shows informaition about various professions in the UK. and salaries. The table shows the average working hours per week for each profession

The chart above shows informaition about various professions in the UK. and salaries. The table shows the average working hours per week for each profession
#informaition #professions #uk #salaries #hours #week #profession
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This
Linking Words
 shows chart below
give
Change the verb form
gives
show examples
 some details about salaries for
differents
Correct your spelling
different
show examples
jobs
Use synonyms
.
Also
Linking Words
, they discuss the total working
hours
Use synonyms
 per
week
Use synonyms
 for each
Use synonyms
jobs
Change to a singular noun
job
show examples
. On the one hand, I will discuss now the
salary
Use synonyms
 for police and
nurse
Fix the agreement mistake
nurses
show examples
 when they
starten
Correct your spelling
start
 and after
three
Use synonyms
years
Use synonyms
.
However
Linking Words
,
i
Change the capitalization
I
show examples
 will show
average
Add an article
the average
show examples
 working
of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
hours
Use synonyms
 per
week
Use synonyms
 of them. First of all, the
salary
Use synonyms
 of
police
Correct article usage
the police
show examples
 when they started
it
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
was 21000
comraison
Correct your spelling
comparison
 after
three
Use synonyms
years
Use synonyms
 will be 23000 it's become increase
about
Change preposition
by about
show examples
 2000.
Besides
Linking Words
, they
working
Wrong verb form
work 40
show examples
hours
Use synonyms
 per
week
Use synonyms
 for 40 exactly.
Secoundly
Correct your spelling
Secondly
, the
nurse
Change noun form
nurse's
show examples
salary
Use synonyms
 when they started
it
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
was 18000 comparison after
three
Use synonyms
years
Use synonyms
 will become 19000.
On the other hand
Linking Words
, now
i
Capitalize word
I
show examples
 will discuss the salaries and the time they
work
Use synonyms
of
Change preposition
for
show examples
 the
FireFighther
Correct your spelling
FireFighter
 and the underground
driver
Use synonyms
.
First,
Linking Words
the
firefighther
Correct your spelling
firefighter
firefighters
 taked when they started 4000.
Besides
Linking Words
, after
three
Use synonyms
years
Use synonyms
 the
salary
Use synonyms
 will be 41000.
Moreover
Linking Words
, they
working
Wrong verb form
work more
show examples
hours
Use synonyms
 per
week
Use synonyms
 for 55 they
work
Use synonyms
 more than
another
Replace the adjective
another job
other jobs
show examples
jobs
Use synonyms
.
Secound
Correct your spelling
Secondly
, underground
driver
Use synonyms
 when they started their
salary
Use synonyms
 became 50000
also
Linking Words
 after
three
Use synonyms
years
Use synonyms
 their
salary
Use synonyms
 will be 51000.
In addition
Linking Words
, they
work
Use synonyms
 in
short
Correct article usage
a short
show examples
 time
comparison
Replace the word
compared
show examples
 with
another
Replace the adjective
another job
other jobs
show examples
jobs
Use synonyms
.
To sum up
Linking Words
, we see the higher one of
Use synonyms
jobs
Correct article usage
the jobs
show examples
who
Correct pronoun usage
that
show examples
 take a high
salary
Use synonyms
it's
Verb problem
is
show examples
 the underground
driver
Use synonyms
.
Also
Linking Words
, we see
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
firefighter
Fix the agreement mistake
firefighters
show examples
work
Use synonyms
much
Fix the agreement mistake
many
show examples
 more
hours
Use synonyms
 but their
salary
Use synonyms
less
Add a missing verb
is less
show examples
 than
Correct article usage
the underground
show examples
underground
Correct article usage
the underground
show examples
Use synonyms
Fix the agreement mistake
drivers
show examples
driver
Fix the agreement mistake
drivers
show examples
.
Submitted by xtra68687 on

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Sentences: Add more complex sentences.
▼
Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "also, besides".
▼
Basic structure: Change the fourth paragraph.
▼
Vocabulary: Replace the words jobs, hours, week, salary, three, years, work, driver with synonyms.
▼
Vocabulary: Rephrase the word "shows" in your introduction.
▼
Vocabulary: Rephrase the word "undefined" in your introduction.
▼
Vocabulary: Only 6 basic words for charts were used.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "shows" was used 2 times.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "comparison" was used 2 times.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "about" was used 2 times.
▼
Vocabulary: Use several vocabularies to present the data in the fourth paragraph.
▼
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