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Writing Samples
Band 4.5

The chart below gives information about how many Europeans citizens of different age groups who frequently went to gym. between 1990 and 2010. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.

The chart below gives information about how many Europeans citizens of different age groups who frequently went to gym. between 1990 and 2010. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.
#information #europeans #citizens #age #groups #gym #summarise #features #comparisons
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The graph above illustrates
that
Correct word choice
apply
show examples
the changing proportion
ofEuropean
Correct your spelling
of European
 inhabitants who hit the track recurrently in terms of 4 age
Use synonyms
group
Fix the agreement mistake
groups
show examples
 and over from 1990 to 2010
Overall
Linking Words
, It is noticeable that there is approximately no change at
level
Add an article
a level
show examples
around
Change preposition
of around
show examples
 5% between 1990 and 1994 for the numbers of
elder
Add an article
an elder
the elder
show examples
 generation who aged 34-43 and 44-53. and
then
Linking Words
undergo-demostrate
Correct your spelling
undergo-demonstrate
undergo-demonstrated
 slightly
grows
Replace the word
growth
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 before 1998. After 1998, vet, the figures for
who
Correct pronoun usage
those
show examples
 aged 34-43 moderately
increases
Correct subject-verb agreement
increase
show examples
 up to 10%
while
Linking Words
 that the figure for
eldest
Correct article usage
the eldest
show examples
group
Use synonyms
 stays the same.
Furthermore
Linking Words
,
it is clear that
Linking Words
 the young people going to
gym
Correct article usage
the gym
show examples
 oftentimes including 18-23 and 24-33
ages
Fix the agreement mistake
age
show examples
 show
similar
Correct article usage
a similar
show examples
 pattern at around 15%-25% with the latter one
increase
Replace the word
increasing
show examples
 dramatically until 2006.
In addition
Linking Words
, the latter
one
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
is caught up
during
Change preposition
from
show examples
 2002 to 2006. In the
last
Linking Words
 four
Fix the agreement mistake
years
show examples
year
Fix the agreement mistake
years
show examples
, the figure for the youngest
group
Use synonyms
 suddenly
plummet
Wrong verb form
plummeted
show examples
 to under 20%
while
Linking Words
 the other
group
Use synonyms
increases
Wrong verb form
increased
show examples
 continuously and
finally
Linking Words
peaking
Wrong verb form
peaked at
show examples
 around 25%. To summarize, the European residents engage in physical activity habitually in the 4 type ages all present the tendency to rise in whole except the eldest.
Submitted by chaifan93 on

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Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "while".
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Conclusion: The conclusion is too long.
Basic structure: Write more paragraphs.
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Basic structure: Add more body paragraphs.
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Basic structure: Write more paragraphs.
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Vocabulary: Replace the words group with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: The word "figures" was used 3 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "increases" was used 3 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "around" was used 3 times.
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