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Writing Samples
Band 4.5

the pie charts below show the comparison of different kinds of energ production of france in 2 years

the pie charts below show the comparison of different kinds of energ production of france in 2 years
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The pie chart elaborates
the
Change preposition
on the
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 confrontations of the variety
types
Change preposition
of types
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 of
energy
Use synonyms
production
Use synonyms
 in France between 1995 to 2005.
Overall
Linking Words
, the most enormous changes in
energy
Use synonyms
 output have been in the petrol sector. In all types of
energy
Use synonyms
production
Use synonyms
, there was only minimal change over the 10-year period. First of all, the figure
of
Change preposition
for
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 gas and coal started below three in ten, but it reached
accurately
Rephrase
apply
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30 % in 2005. The first
number of
Correct quantifier usage
apply
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production
Use synonyms
 of petrol approximately was 29 %, the next years it decreased markedly, fell by 10 % and had been at below a fifth until 2005.
Secondly
Linking Words
, the output line of other sectors
grew
Wrong verb form
has grown
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 since 2005 ,
while
Linking Words
 its number commenced at below 10%, it has
been thrived
Change to the active voice
thrived
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 within a short period of time.
On the other hand
Linking Words
, the figure
of
Change preposition
for
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 nuclear
energy
Use synonyms
 was less than ten per cent and the number rose rapidly next years and eventually,
this
Linking Words
energy
Use synonyms
production
Use synonyms
 was 10.10% in 2005

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Introduction: The introduction is missing.
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Introduction: Change the first sentence in the introduction.
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Introduction: The chart intro is missing.
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Introduction: The chart intro is missing.
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Vocabulary: Replace the words energy, production with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: The word "figure" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "changes" was used 2 times.
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