IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5.5

Many people say that globalization and the growing number of multinational companies have a negative effect on the environment. To what extend do you agree or disagree? Use specific reasons and examples to support your position.

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Globalization has allowed rapid exchange of
goods
Use synonyms
, services,
technologies
Correct word choice
and technologies
show examples
. The growing number of multinational
companies
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 have created enormous commodities and
products
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, offering value and enrichment in our lives. The benefits of globalization cannot be overlooked.
However
Linking Words
, it is imperative to look at the bigger picture and consider how our indulgence and
in
Change preposition
apply
show examples
insatiability for advancement
is
Correct subject-verb agreement
are
show examples
 Impacting the
environment
Use synonyms
. Many believe that these effects have been primarily negative on the
environment
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. I wholeheartedly agree and we have enough evidence to back up
this
Linking Words
 claim including the increased release of gas emissions, alarming rates of defrostration, and ever-expanding economic specialization of nations. Globalization significantly contributes to
production
Add an article
the production
show examples
 of
goods
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 and consumptions. Multinational
companies
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 substantially
relay
Correct your spelling
rely
show examples
 on
international
Add an article
the international
show examples
 market to generate revenue.
This
Linking Words
 means that their
products
Use synonyms
 cater to a wide range of interests and preferences. One of
the
Change the word
my
show examples
 perennially
favorite
Change the spelling
favourite
show examples
products
Use synonyms
 is iPhone. Every new version of
iPhone
Correct article usage
the iPhone
show examples
 creates a maddening craze across the globe. Everyone loves
apple
Capitalize word
Apple
show examples
 and their
products
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 and they seemingly can’t get enough of Apple.
While
Linking Words
this
Linking Words
 is all well and good, as the
demands
Fix the agreement mistake
demand
show examples
 for
products
Use synonyms
 increases, so does the release of gas emissions. It has been widely documented that human activity negatively affects the
environment
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 as manufacturers and factories work non-stop to produce the required supplies for
companies
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 and burn fossil fuels. What’s more, greater connectivity around the world means that
companies
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 will outsource the raw materials they need in order to reduce costs. It should be noted that not all countries have enough environmental
regulation
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regulations
show examples
 in place,
therefore
Linking Words
 more green
gasses
Correct your spelling
gases
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 will be released into the atmosphere which
further
Linking Words
 contributes to climate change.
Furthermore
Linking Words
, advancements in transportation and communication technologies have allowed inter-border trade of
goods
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 at the cost of losing rich ecosystems and habitats. The spread of
goods
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 requires the building of new
infostructures
Correct your spelling
infrastructures
show examples
such
Linking Words
 as roads and bridges.
This
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 leads to
defrostration
Correct your spelling
frustration
deforestation
 in the process because we cut down trees to set up trade routes.
This
Linking Words
 unfortunate side effect can be observed in Brazil where huge
expands
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expansions
show examples
 of forest are eradicated only to create space for cars and trucks to pass through.
In addition
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 to
emission
Correct article usage
the emission
show examples
 of gasses and
defrostration
Correct your spelling
deforestation
frustration
, we have seen economic specialization in many regions. Some countries prefer to specialize in one area of
market
Correct article usage
the market
show examples
 because they feel content to rely on their trading partners to provide what they can’t produce. The negative consequence of
that is
Linking Words
 over depletion of natural resources. For
examples
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example
show examples
 in some parts of
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
Asia, people sustain their
business
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businesses
show examples
 by overfishing, leading to
Correct article usage
the lose
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lose
Replace the word
loss
show examples
 of
fish
Add an article
the fish
a fish
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 population.
Additionally
Linking Words
, some countries prefer to sell one type of energy
such
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 as gas, oil, and timber. Capitalizing on natural resources heavily will
further
Linking Words
 devastate the
environment
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. After all
said
Add a missing verb
is said
show examples
 and done, it is certainly apparent that our appetite for growth and economic expansion
have
Correct subject-verb agreement
has
show examples
 taken a heavy toll on the
environment
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. Leaving our activities
uncheck
Wrong verb form
unchecked
show examples
 means habitats are lost, climate change is
further
Linking Words
 exasperated and we may make life
increasing
Change the word
increasingly
show examples
 unbearable for future generations.

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task response
Your essay addresses the topic effectively, with a clear stance and relevant examples. Make sure to maintain a balanced argument and address counterarguments for a higher score.
coherence cohesion
Your essay has a clear structure, with an effective introduction and conclusion. Work on ensuring smooth transitions between ideas for improved coherence.
lexical resource
You have demonstrated a good range of vocabulary and appropriately used specific terms related to the topic. Continue to use varied and precise vocabulary to enhance your lexical resource.
grammatical range
Your grammatical structures are generally accurate, but there are instances of awkward phrasing and repetitive use of certain structures. Work on sentence variety and complexity for a stronger grammatical range.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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