More people put their personal information online (address, telephone number) for everyday activities such as socializing on social networks or banking purposes. Do you think it is a positive or negative development?

#people #information #address #telephone #activities #networks #purposes #development

It is

undisputed

Correct article usage

an undisputed

show examples

fact that a growing number of individuals have put their personal details online.

While

there

Add a missing verb

is undoubtly

show examples

undoubtly

Correct your spelling

undoubtedly

danger

Correct your spelling

show examples

this

, I believe that

convenience

Correct article usage

the convenience

show examples

of putting

such

data on the internet outweighs the negative aspects. Granted, private

information

which is held online may be stolen or misused in some ways by

cybercrinimals

Correct your spelling

cybercriminals

. For, a say, thanks to advances in technology, online banking is now common. Humans must trust the security measures put in place by banks and

Change preposition

apply

show examples

companies to ensure that their bank account details are guaranteed to be secure from computer hackers. Strict codes of conduct minimise the dangers but,

in contrast

, criminals can access all kinds of personal

information

which people naively provide on social networking sites,

such

as Facebook or Instagram.

As a result

, users of these sites may find that they are victims of online scams. ‘ That being said, the storage of personal

information

online is convenient in various ways.

Firstly

, it enables people to pay for goods ordered over the internet,

for instance

. Time-consuming visits to the shops or the bank have been superseded by simply clicking a computer key.

Secondly

, sharing private data on social network sites is one of those socio-economic changes which has revolutionised patterns of behaviour . Friends and family members who use the

internet

Capitalize word

Internet

show examples

are able to keep in touch freely and easily.

Thus

, sharing personal details online for business or pleasure has accelerated the flow of

information

and is user-friendly, and

therefore

old ways of doing things have become obsolete.

To sum up

, despite the risks of personal online

information

falling into the wrong hands, I would argue that the convenience of sharing

this

information

outweighs

these

Correct determiner usage

the

show examples

risks that are been said.

Submitted by shakhzodbekmirzaev7 on Thu Oct 26 2023

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Task Response

Your essay adequately addresses the given topic and presents a clear position on whether putting personal information online is a positive or negative development. However, the actual position is not explicitly stated in the introduction. It is important to clearly state your position in the introduction to provide a roadmap for your essay.

Coherence and Cohesion

Your essay shows a logical structure with clear paragraphs and a smooth flow of ideas. However, there are a few areas where the coherence could be improved. For example, the transition between the first and second paragraph could be smoother to provide a stronger connection between the two ideas.

Lexical Resource

Your essay demonstrates a good range of vocabulary and appropriate word choices. However, there are a few instances where the use of language can be improved. For example, instead of using 'undoubtedly', you can use a stronger word like 'undisputed' to emphasize the point.

Grammatical Range

Your essay exhibits a good control of grammar with mostly accurate sentence structures. However, there are a few errors in subject-verb agreement and incorrect verb tenses. It is important to review your sentences for grammatical accuracy.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

Summary
Restatement of thesis
Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

In conclusion
To conclude
To summarize
Finally
In a nutshell
In general

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11Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
1Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
9Grammar mistakes
 

4 paragraphs

287 words

5.00

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 6.0

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 4.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 4.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 6.0

Complete response

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

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Topic Vocabulary:

Personal information
Online privacy
Security concerns
Identity theft
Enhanced connectivity
Convenient access
Social networks
Banking purposes
Positive development
Negative impact

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More people put their personal information online (address, telephone number) for everyday activities such as socializing on social networks or banking purposes. Do you think it is a positive or negative development?

Include an introduction and conclusion

In some countries, owing a home rather than renting one is very important for people. Why might this be the case? Do you thimk this is a positive or negative situation?

Some people say that the best way to teach children to behave well is to punish them. Others argue that rewarding and praising children is a better way to teach them the difference betweeen right and wrong. Discuss both views and give your own opinion.

In many countries around the world, rural people are moving to cities, so the population in the countryside is decreasing. Do you think this is a positive or negative development

Topic: Nowadays more and more people consume fast food on a regular basis. What are the advantages and disadvantages of this trend?

In some countries owning a home rather than renting one is very important for people. Why might this be the case? Do you think this is a positive or negative situation?