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Band 4

Some people believe that reading stories from a book is better than watching TV or playing computer games for children. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

#people #stories #book #tv #computer #games #children
It is commonly said that
,
Remove the comma
apply
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using electronic devices
such
 as phones,TVs or laptops is important in our part of life.Every person uses electronic devices,so they spend their spare time using electronic
inventions
.
However
,it is not so assured that
this
 injured their health . At the present time,new technologies are developing in every country.Technologies have covered
people
's lives.As far as work,more office employees are working sitting down with computers.The way I see it utilizing computers does not cause plenty of diseases in employees' health.
However
, using computers
help
Correct subject-verb agreement
helps
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 affect
people
's eyes.Electronic
inventions
 like washing machines,ovens and
another type
Fix the agreement mistake
other types
show examples
 of
inventions
 are a less time-consuming process. The creation of some electronic
inventions
 is caused by
people
's physical activity they do.
For instance
,in the past,
people
 washed their clothes with their hands.Nowadays,all
people
 wash clothes with a washing machine.
As a result
,
people
 are doing less physical activity than yesteryears.
On the other hand
, techniques are useful in various fields.
For example
, healthcare, educational system etc.Currently, electronic devices are used effectively in medicine,so we can not say that techniques are harmful. Taking everything into account,In my view,
people
 are working as before and they can use technology to save their leisure time.Technologies can in some cases have bad effects on
people
's health,so
people
 should not forget the norm when using electronic
inventions
Submitted by ieltsteaching0 on

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coherence cohesion
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For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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