IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4

Some people believe that reading stories from a book is better than watching TV or playing computer games for children. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

#people #stories #book #tv #computer #games #children
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It is commonly said that
,
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apply
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using electronic devices
such
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 as phones,TVs or laptops is important in our part of life.Every person uses electronic devices,so they spend their spare time using electronic
inventions
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.
However
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,it is not so assured that
this
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 injured their health . At the present time,new technologies are developing in every country.Technologies have covered
people
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's lives.As far as work,more office employees are working sitting down with computers.The way I see it utilizing computers does not cause plenty of diseases in employees' health.
However
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, using computers
help
Correct subject-verb agreement
helps
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 affect
people
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's eyes.Electronic
inventions
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 like washing machines,ovens and
another type
Fix the agreement mistake
other types
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 of
inventions
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 are a less time-consuming process. The creation of some electronic
inventions
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 is caused by
people
Use synonyms
's physical activity they do.
For instance
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,in the past,
people
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 washed their clothes with their hands.Nowadays,all
people
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 wash clothes with a washing machine.
As a result
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,
people
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 are doing less physical activity than yesteryears.
On the other hand
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, techniques are useful in various fields.
For example
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, healthcare, educational system etc.Currently, electronic devices are used effectively in medicine,so we can not say that techniques are harmful. Taking everything into account,In my view,
people
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 are working as before and they can use technology to save their leisure time.Technologies can in some cases have bad effects on
people
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's health,so
people
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 should not forget the norm when using electronic
inventions
Use synonyms
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coherence cohesion
Ensure that your introduction and conclusion effectively address the topic and provide a clear stance.
coherence cohesion
Develop your main points further and provide more specific examples to support your arguments.
lexical resource
Expand your vocabulary and use a wider range of words and phrases to improve the lexical resource of your essay.
grammatical range
Work on your grammatical accuracy and try to vary your sentence structures for a higher score in grammatical range.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • Imagination
  • Visualization
  • Complex vocabulary
  • Sentence structure
  • Focus
  • Concentration
  • Passive activity
  • Interactive activity
  • Gratification
  • Diverse perspectives
  • Cultural perspective
  • Historical perspective
  • Attention span
  • Educational enrichment
  • Cognitive development
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