IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 5.5

Some people believe that professional athletes serve as a positive role models for young people, while other argue that their behavior both on and off the field can have a negative influence. Discuss both sides and give your opinion.

#people #athletes #role #models #behavior #field #influence
Nowadays, sports are something that everyone follows.
According to
 some people, sports professionals are role models for the young generation and have a positive impact on them.
However
, others think that the on-field and
off-fieldfield
Correct your spelling
off-field
 behaviour of
athletes
 can have negative circumstances on young people. Personally, I believe that the former statement has more merits than
latter
Correct article usage
the latter
show examples
one
. On the
one
 hand, professional
athletes
 are usually famous in
a
Correct article usage
the
show examples
 country from which they belong and sometimes in the world with
huge
Add an article
a huge
show examples
 fan following on social media because they represent the country at a global level by participating in different competitions. They often post something on their social media platforms like Instagram, Twitter,
threads
Correct word choice
and threads
show examples
 for their beloved
fans
.
Moreover
, die-heart
fans
 blindly follow their role model and try to copy their fashion sense, diet and nature. Which leads to
one
's healthy lifestyle.
For instance
, the most followed cricketer on Instagram is Virat Kohli with 340 million followers who always encourages his
fans
 to exercise daily and motivates
by
Correct pronoun usage
them by
show examples
 giving them self-confidence to do hard work till they receive it.
Furthermore
, these
athletes
 have a huge influence on their followers to do positive things.
On the other hand
, the followers of any athlete tend to copy behaviour and aggression which might affect
one
 either physically or mentally. Some players have too much aggression in the field,
however
 off the field they are calm in nature. So, many youngsters forcefully implement that aggression in themselves to be like their role models without knowing its result and in the end they face consequences. The advertisements of caffeinated drinks by professional players lead to the drinking of excessive carbonated drinks among the young generation and
as a result
, teenagers face different issues like obesity and high blood pressure. I think sportspersons should take the responsibility to influence their
fans
 in a positive way rather than a negative way. To reciprocate, professional
athletes
 can lead to either a positive direction or
negative
Correct article usage
a negative
show examples
 direction depending upon their personality.
However
, it is
fans
 who have to decide what is right for them and what is wrong because blindly following someone is not the way to live life.
Submitted by vivekchovatiya8 on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

task achievement
Provide more specific examples to support your arguments.
coherence cohesion
Ensure a clear and logical flow of ideas throughout the essay.
lexical resource
Expand your range of vocabulary and use more precise and varied language.
grammatical range
Pay attention to your sentence structure and grammar. Avoid errors and sentence fragments.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • role model
  • determination
  • discipline
  • work ethic
  • community service
  • charitable activities
  • poor behavior
  • unsportsmanlike conduct
  • media scrutiny
  • public perception
  • materialism
  • physical and mental health issues
  • impressionable youth
  • high levels
  • pursuing sports
  • positive influence
  • negative influence
What to do next:
Look at other essays: