Young people often copy the behaviour of famous people, so celebrities should only be allowed to advertise healthy food or drink and should not encourage unhealthy habits such as smoking. Do you agree or disagree?
Nowadays, many celebs have to advertise only important things for health
such
as healthy fresh food, organic drinks, sports and other stuff, as many youngsters follow their behavior
. I fully agree with Change the spelling
behaviour
this
statement. According to
this
in the paragraphs below, I will discuss my point of view.
To begin
with, it is obvious that the brain and consciousness of children start to formulate from early
age. Mostly, celebrities advertise alcohol, fatty food and cigarettes because earn a huge amount of salaries. As children watch cartoons, Add an article
an early
movies
from several platforms and ads, they copy their gestures and mimic, Correct word choice
and movies
because
they do what they see. Sometimes parents are Correct pronoun usage
them because
busy
Rephrase
too busy
to look
after their kids, Change the verb form
looking
consequently
, they place them in front of the TV,
and continue accomplishing their tasks. And of course, Remove the comma
apply
young
will start to drink some Correct article usage
the young
trashes
as their idols drink. Advertisement - is the only key to propagate not only kids but Correct subject-verb agreement
trash
also
adults.
Advertising has a crucial power of influence. For example
, when Orlando Bloom advertised the 'Wendy Burgers'
company, in 2019, Fix the agreement mistake
Burger'
regarding
the stats, there was a sudden increase in sales. The Majority young age group were included in Change preposition
apply
these statistic
. As we know, fatty food harms our health and organisms, which can lead to obesity. Celebrities have to only support useful topics and productsChange the determiner
this statistic
these statistics
,
because they affect everyone's taste and behaviour.
Remove the comma
apply
To conclude
,not only celebs but also
senior communities have to advertise good and useful stuff in order to support the next generation, because it is a huge responsibility to look after the next generation,
since they are the only group of people that will lead our world to civilisation.Remove the comma
apply
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task response
Make sure to fully address the prompt by providing a clear stance on the issue. In this essay, you state that you fully agree with the statement, but it could be beneficial to provide more reasoning and evidence to support your viewpoint.
coherence cohesion
Work on organizing your ideas and paragraphs in a more logical manner. Ensure that each paragraph has a clear main point and that the overall essay flows smoothly.
lexical resource
Vary your vocabulary and use more sophisticated language to enhance the quality of your essay. Expand your range of vocabulary related to the topic and use more precise and specific terms.
grammatical range
Pay attention to the accuracy and complexity of your sentence structures. Work on using a wider range of grammatical structures and ensure that your sentences are grammatically correct.
Fully explain your ideas
To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).
For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:
- Paragraph 1 - Introduction
- Sentence 1 - Background statement
- Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
- Sentence 3 - Thesis
- Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
- Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
- Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
- Sentence 2 - Example
- Sentence 3 - Discussion
- Sentence 4 - Conclusion
- Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
- Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
- Sentence 2 - Example
- Sentence 3 - Discussion
- Sentence 4 - Conclusion
- Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
- Sentence 1 - Summary
- Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
- Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation
Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.