IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5

The desire for higher status or great wealth than others is what motivate most people to succeed in the world. To what extend do you agree or disagree with this statement?

#desire #status #wealth #people #world
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I
am completely agree
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completely agree
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 that
,
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apply
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 the motivation to
success
Replace the word
succeed
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 for individuals is produced by their willingness to
achive
Correct your spelling
achieve
 a greater position or better income.
This
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caused
Add a missing verb
is caused
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 by
multi function
Add a hyphen
multi-function
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 parameters like family, society,
psychology
Correct word choice
and psychology
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 to name a few. In
this
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essay
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essay,
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 I will
disscus
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discuss
 around the education, psychology and family aspects. First and
for
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apply
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most, the family, more amount
of
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per
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 capita each person earns help them to
made
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make
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 a better family which means he/she can provide an
estaibel
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stable
 life for the dears
also
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 it means he/she can keep the family safe from most of the problems.
For
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example
Add a comma
example,
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 when a member of
family
Add an article
the family
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 needs an
aurgent
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urgent
 surgery he/she can provide all the best for
this
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 member.
In addition
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,
the
Correct article usage
apply
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psychology,
scintists
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scientists
belive
Correct your spelling
believe
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 that if somebody
achive
Correct your spelling
achieves
 a great situation in his
carrer
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career
 or in society it will
effect
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affect
show examples
on
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apply
show examples
his mind and
made
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make
show examples
 him more productive than before. Recent studies
also
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 mentioned that more income
more
Rephrase
leads to better
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 psychological health.
Lastly
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, the education, most
of highly statused
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highly-status
 people are well educated and it
was
Wrong verb form
is
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 always a great combination
between
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of
show examples
 education and
status
Correct article usage
the status
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 of people in
the
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apply
show examples
society
and
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apply
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while
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 others see that
successfull
Correct your spelling
successful
successfully
well
Rephrase
apply
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educated ones
they
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
will be greatly motivated to
achive
Correct your spelling
achieve
 their goals. All in all, motivation is not only made by
the
Correct article usage
apply
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desires but
also
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made
Verb problem
apply
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by what a desire
add
Correct subject-verb agreement
adds
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 to our life. In my
view
Add a comma
view,
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 the
mentionedabove
Correct your spelling
mentioned above
mentioned-above
 aspects of life are the
formost
Correct your spelling
foremost
 ones that narrow down a person to work harder and be focused on
the
Change the word
their
show examples
 goals.
Submitted by TUTOO on

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Task Response
Ensure that your introduction clearly states your position on the statement, including whether you completely agree or disagree.
Coherence and Cohesion
Improve the coherence and cohesion of your essay by organizing your ideas logically and providing clear connections between sentences.
Lexical Resource
Expand your range of vocabulary and use more varied and precise words and phrases to express your ideas.
Grammatical Range
Pay attention to your grammar usage and sentence structures to avoid errors and improve clarity.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

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