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Band 5.5

Scientific research should be the responsibility of government rather than commercial organisations. Do you agree?

#research #responsibility #government #organisations
Scientific research is considered the most essential part of our developing world and where the funds should come from is becoming an ongoing debate in recent years. Some people believe that
governments
 should be responsible for the
foundation
,
I
Correct word choice
but I
show examples
believe that the incentives from commercial
organisations
 would be
benefitial
Correct your spelling
beneficial
. In
this
 essay, I will explain why commercial
organisation’s
Fix the agreement mistake
organisations’
show examples
 participation is important and give reasons for these
organisations
Change noun form
organisations'
show examples
 economic support . Scientific
researches
Fix the agreement mistake
research
show examples
require
Correct subject-verb agreement
requires
show examples
strong
Add an article
a strong
show examples
 financial
foundation
for affording
Change preposition
to afford
show examples
spesific equipments
Correct your spelling
specific equipment
, high-tech computers and salaries
of
Change preposition
for
show examples
 researchers.
This
foundation
 should be provided by
governments
 in order to
incentive
Correct your spelling
incentivise
show examples
 scientists and build
Correct article usage
a successfull
show examples
successfull
Correct your spelling
successful
 country in the long term.
Otherwise
, many
experiments
 can not
contuniue
Correct your spelling
continue
 or even can not start.
On the other hand
, as long as
governments
 became the only source of
foundation
,
this
 may lead to insufficient
in
Change preposition
apply
show examples
income
of
Change preposition
for
show examples
experiments
. Since the budget
is restrain
Change the verb form
is restrained
show examples
, the proportion, which
governments
 decide to ensure for
researches
Fix the agreement mistake
research
show examples
 could be insufficient.
Moreover
, with only one resource of
foundation
Add a comma
foundation,
show examples
 the results of
experiments
 may seem skewed. For these reasons,
participation
Correct article usage
the participation
show examples
 of commercial
organisations
 is crucial, not only
rising
Correct your spelling
raising
show examples
 the financial
foundation
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
 but
also
 providing
objective
Add an article
an objective
show examples
 atmosphere which is considered
as
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apply
show examples
a fundamental part of any research. In
conclusiton
Correct your spelling
conclusion
, I disagree
the
Change preposition
with the
show examples
 notion that scientific research should be the responsibility of policymakers rather than commercial
organisations
. I, personally, believe that the truth lies in between. It would be more effective
that
Correct word choice
if
show examples
 commercial
organisations
are
Wrong verb form
were
show examples
 allowed to support
experiments
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
 but under
government’s
Correct article usage
the government’s
show examples
supervisions
Fix the agreement mistake
supervision
show examples
.
This
 collaboration may help to ensure
impartial
Correct article usage
an impartial
show examples
 atmosphere with
more
Add an article
a more
the more
show examples
 strong financial
foundation
 for scientific
researches
Fix the agreement mistake
research
show examples
.
Submitted by ilaydailday on

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task achievement
Provide more specific examples and evidence to support your ideas.
coherence cohesion
Ensure a clear and logical organization of ideas throughout your essay.
lexical resource
Expand your vocabulary by using a wider range of words and phrases.
grammatical range
Pay attention to sentence structure and grammar to improve clarity.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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