In achieving personal happiness, our relationships with family, friends, and colleagues are more important than work and wealth. Do you agree or disagree with this?

In recent years, the question
whether
Change preposition
of whether
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personal
happiness
is achievable by family bonds and
relationship
Fix the agreement mistake
relationships
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with
colleagues
and
friends
or by job and
money
has drawn much attention from the public.
While
it is true that
relationships
are very important, I believe that
wealth
and
work
still play a vital role in personal
happiness
.
One
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On
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the one hand, strong
relationships
with family,
friends
, and
colleagues
contribute significantly
in
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to
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personal
happiness
. The main reason for
that is
supportive and loving
relationships
promote a sense of belonging and connection, owing to the fact that you never feel alone when you face challenges there
are
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is
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someone
that
Correct pronoun usage
who
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can protect you. Even though building and maintaining strong
relationships
require time, effort and communication,
everyone
can count on family and
friends
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friends'
friend's
show examples
presence during any hardship and
happiest
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the happiest
show examples
time of their life.
Consequently
, having meaningful interaction with loved ones and
colleagues
can bring joy and fulfilment.
On the other hand
, the contribution of
work
and
wealth
to
the
Correct article usage
apply
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personal
happiness
is indispensable. To be more precise, as the world
becoming
Wrong verb form
becomes
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borderless,
everyone
need
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needs
show examples
a job
as well as
money
to keep up with the
world
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world's
show examples
changes and afford new things that are needed for new life standards.
Therefore
, it is obvious that having
money
can bring
everyone
satisfaction.
Although
work
and
wealth
often involve stress and pressure which can negatively impact personal
happiness
, without
job
Correct article usage
a job
show examples
and
money
the situation
become
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becomes
show examples
even worse. In conclusion,
relationships
with family and
friends
and
colleagues
,
as well as
work
and
wealth
, both have a positive influence on personal
happiness
;
thus
,
everyone
should hold a balance between
theme
Correct your spelling
them
show examples
for the optimum benefits.
Submitted by Nastaran_zandy on

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coherence cohesion
Make sure to clearly state your position on the topic in the introduction and restate it in the conclusion.
task achievement
Provide more specific examples to support your points.
lexical resource
Use a wider range of vocabulary to enhance your essay.
grammatical range
Pay attention to sentence structure and grammatical accuracy.

Fully explain your ideas

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For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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You are not ready for IELTS Speaking, if you

  • Can’t speak smoothly without pauses.
  • Use simple words and lack vocabulary.
  • Feel nervous and anxious when speaking.
Topic Vocabulary:
  • personal happiness
  • strong relationships
  • family
  • friends
  • colleagues
  • work and wealth
  • temporary happiness
  • fulfilling
  • sense of belonging
  • connection
  • meaningful interactions
  • joy
  • fulfillment
  • building and maintaining
  • time and effort
  • communication
  • stress
  • pressure
  • balance
  • well-being
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