IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 4

The table below gives information about the problems faced by children in two primary schools in 2005 and 2015.

The table below gives information about the problems faced by children in two primary schools in 2005 and 2015.
#information #children #two #schools
A glance at the figure provided reveals the percentage of schoolchildren having a variety of learning problems in 2 elementary schools in 2005 and 2015.
Overall
, students in
School
B
 had better academic performance than
children
 in
School
 A.
Nonetheless
, some profound progressions
of
Change preposition
in
show examples
School
 A could be witnessed from spelling to understanding instructions.
According to
 the evidence supplied in 2005, 22% and 28% of students in
School
 A found reading and handwriting
being
Wrong verb form
to be
show examples
 too subtle to understand.
While
 only 8% and 7%
children
Change preposition
of children
show examples
 in
School
B
, which
were
Correct subject-verb agreement
was
show examples
one
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
forth
Correct your spelling
fourth
show examples
 of
School
 A, were shackled
these
Change preposition
to these
show examples
 problems. Plus, the rest categories saw wider gaps between 2 primary schools, especially
the
Change preposition
in the
show examples
 ability to follow the
displines
Correct your spelling
disciplines
discipline
. Troublesome
children
, who were not aware of the instructions in
School
 A, were 7 times more than
School
B
. Despite poorer academic achievement,
School
 A lessened the gaps with
School
B
 remarkably after a decade in 2015.
In particular
,
children
 easily distracted in
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
class dropped from 40% to 18%, and a similar plummet could be found in following instructions as well.
Submitted by meimei639 on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Introduction: The introduction is missing.
▼
Introduction: The chart intro is missing.
▼
Basic structure: Change the third paragraph.
▼
Introduction: The chart intro is missing.
▼
Vocabulary: Replace the words school, b, children with synonyms.
▼
Vocabulary: Only 4 basic words for charts were used.
▼
Vocabulary: Use several vocabularies to present the data in the second paragraph.
▼
Vocabulary: Use several vocabularies to present the data in the third paragraph.
▼
What to do next:
Look at other essays: