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Band 5

Many manufactured food and drink products contain high Levels of Sugar,which causes many health problems.Sugary products should be made ti encourage people consume less sugar Do you agree or disagree?

#food #drink #products #levels #sugar #health #ti #people
There's an
increase
 in the proportion of
sugar
 in most
foods
 and beverages which could lead to different health issues.
And some
Correct word choice
Some
show examples
 individuals believe that an inflation in the
price
 of
products
 with high levels of
sugar
 would discourage
people
 from consuming them.
However
,I do not completely agree
to
Change preposition
with
show examples
this
,as
such
 methods are usually ineffective.
To begin
 with,
Correct word choice
apply
show examples
Although
,So many
people
 would reduce the rate at which they
take
Verb problem
consume
show examples
 sugary
foods
 and
products
 because of
its
Correct pronoun usage
their
show examples
 high cost,making them shift their focus to non-sugary
foods
.
For example
,
A
Correct word choice
if A
show examples
child who loves taking
ice-cream
Correct your spelling
ice cream
show examples
 discovers that the
price
 has increased rapidly,he would get discouraged from consuming
them
Correct pronoun usage
it
show examples
 after realising that his allowance or feeding money cannot
purchase
Wrong verb form
be purchased
show examples
it
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
.
However
, The method of making sugary
products
 expensive to encourage
people
eat
Fix the infinitive
to eat
show examples
foods
 with lower amounts of
sugar
 can be ineffective, because
its
Correct your spelling
it's
show examples
 a matter of preference so
people
 might just complain for some days and try to adjust to spending more on
such
foods
 to satisfy their cravings.
For example
,Findings from
a
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
research carried out in supermarkets revealed that despite the
increase
 in
price
Correct article usage
the price
show examples
 of sugary
foods
 and drinks,More than 80% of its regular consumers still
consumes
Correct subject-verb agreement
consume
show examples
 them.
In addition
,I do not agree
to
Change preposition
with
show examples
 the fact that
people
 would be discouraged
to consume
Change preposition
from consuming
show examples
foods
 with less
sugar
as a result
 of
increase
Add an article
an increase
the increase
show examples
 in its
price
 because some
people
 have gotten accustomed to the inflation of food
products
,so they might not see it as
an
Change the article
a
show examples
 hindrance to getting sugary
products
. In Conclusion,As most health problems have been attributed to high intake of
sugar
 in
products
,an
increase
 in the
price
 might discourage some
people
 from consuming them as they would drift their attention to other
products
,but some would still prefer taking them because it's their choice of preference.
Submitted by bumzyakins on

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For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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