IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5

Many manufactured food and drink products contain high Levels of Sugar,which causes many health problems.Sugary products should be made ti encourage people consume less sugar Do you agree or disagree?

#food #drink #products #levels #sugar #health #ti #people
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There's an
increase
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 in the proportion of
sugar
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 in most
foods
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 and beverages which could lead to different health issues.
And some
Correct word choice
Some
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 individuals believe that an inflation in the
price
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 of
products
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 with high levels of
sugar
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 would discourage
people
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 from consuming them.
However
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,I do not completely agree
to
Change preposition
with
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this
Linking Words
,as
such
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 methods are usually ineffective.
To begin
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 with,
Correct word choice
apply
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Although
Linking Words
,So many
people
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 would reduce the rate at which they
take
Verb problem
consume
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 sugary
foods
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 and
products
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 because of
its
Correct pronoun usage
their
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 high cost,making them shift their focus to non-sugary
foods
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.
For example
Linking Words
,
A
Correct word choice
if A
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child who loves taking
ice-cream
Correct your spelling
ice cream
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 discovers that the
price
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 has increased rapidly,he would get discouraged from consuming
them
Correct pronoun usage
it
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 after realising that his allowance or feeding money cannot
purchase
Wrong verb form
be purchased
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it
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
.
However
Linking Words
, The method of making sugary
products
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 expensive to encourage
people
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eat
Fix the infinitive
to eat
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foods
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 with lower amounts of
sugar
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 can be ineffective, because
its
Correct your spelling
it's
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 a matter of preference so
people
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 might just complain for some days and try to adjust to spending more on
such
Linking Words
foods
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 to satisfy their cravings.
For example
Linking Words
,Findings from
a
Correct article usage
apply
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research carried out in supermarkets revealed that despite the
increase
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 in
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price
Correct article usage
the price
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 of sugary
foods
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 and drinks,More than 80% of its regular consumers still
consumes
Correct subject-verb agreement
consume
show examples
 them.
In addition
Linking Words
,I do not agree
to
Change preposition
with
show examples
 the fact that
people
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 would be discouraged
to consume
Change preposition
from consuming
show examples
foods
Use synonyms
 with less
sugar
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as a result
Linking Words
 of
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increase
Add an article
an increase
the increase
show examples
 in its
price
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 because some
people
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 have gotten accustomed to the inflation of food
products
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,so they might not see it as
an
Change the article
a
show examples
 hindrance to getting sugary
products
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. In Conclusion,As most health problems have been attributed to high intake of
sugar
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 in
products
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,an
increase
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 in the
price
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 might discourage some
people
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 from consuming them as they would drift their attention to other
products
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,but some would still prefer taking them because it's their choice of preference.
Submitted by bumzyakins on

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To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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