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Band 5.5

Some people state that schools should have a social responsibility to encourage children not to eat junk food. Others believe that parents should take responsibility for their children's eating habits. Discuss both views and state your opinion.

#people #schools #responsibility #children #junk #food #parents #habits
There are controversial perspectives heating debate related to consuming unhealthy meals.A segment of society
reckon
Change the verb form
reckons
show examples
 that it is the responsibility of educational institutes to resist teenagers from eating
junk
 foods,whilst,others opine that it should be
infuenced
Correct your spelling
influenced
 by guardians.
According to
 perspective,each has its own perks,I will discuss both views . To commence with, the supporters of the former opinion contend it is the social obligation of organisations to instruct teenagers from ingesting fast
food
.To explain,they utterly believed
that
Change preposition
in
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organising various meetings to promote awareness against processed
food
such
 as drawbacks in terms of health issues,
additionally
Correct word choice
and additionally
show examples
,the importance of limiting
junk
food
 to maintain superior physical and mental health for pursuing their future goals.To illustrate, it has been assumed that,90 per cent of juniors prefer to consume
junk
food
 when they are away from home.
Examine
Wrong verb form
Examining
show examples
 the latter view,the proponents narrate that it is the duty of ancestors to command their children to ingest healthier nutrients as they are primary role models.As a matter of fact, the core ideology of supporting
this
 principle,
that
Add a missing verb
is that
show examples
 they can limit the consumption of fast
food
 indoors by preparing nutritious
food
,
in contrast
, they
also
 can minimise outdoor unhealthier
food
 usage by giving minimum pocket money.
Finally
,by giving instructions against the drawbacks of
junk
food
 ,they can
also
 insist their children.
To sum up
,
although
 Both stances have their own feasibility and merits.
According to
 perception,the organisation's role in
this
 case has become obsolete and carries less friction.
Therefore
,parents should take more responsibility for educating their kids about the downside of consuming fast
food
.
Submitted by notkhan01 on

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task response
Offer a more balanced analysis of both perspectives and provide stronger arguments for each view.
coherence cohesion
Try to establish clear and logical connections between sentences and paragraphs.
lexical resource
Expand your range of vocabulary and use more specific and descriptive words.
grammatical range
Work on sentence construction and grammar to improve clarity and avoid errors.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • social responsibility
  • encourage
  • junk food
  • nutrition education
  • nutritious meals
  • physical activities
  • role models
  • healthy food choices
  • access
  • create a healthy environment
  • primary responsibility
  • limit
  • responsibility
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