IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5

with the pressures on todays young people to succeed academically some poeple believe that non academic subjects at school should be removed to what extent do you agree or disagree

#pressures #todays #people #poeple #subjects #school
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Nowadays, a group of people think that some
subjects
Use synonyms
 which are not academic should be eliminated from the syllabus and pupils can
focused
Change the verb form
focus
be focused
show examples
 completely on academic
subjects
Use synonyms
. I partly agree with
this
Linking Words
 idea. First of all, children commence
to
Change preposition
apply
show examples
their
school
Use synonyms
life
Use synonyms
for getting
Change preposition
to get
show examples
vital
Add an article
a vital
show examples
 and basic knowledge about
life
Use synonyms
 and science,
while
Linking Words
 they are provided information about cookery, physical education and others in the continuation of
school
Use synonyms
life
Use synonyms
. Afterwards, schoolboys and schoolgirls take priority over more active and
entertainment
Replace the word
entertaining
show examples
 lessons,
this
Linking Words
 situation demotivates them from academic studies.
For example
Linking Words
, the
result
Fix the agreement mistake
results
show examples
 of the interview with the children of forty
Use synonyms
school
Fix the agreement mistake
schools
show examples
of
Change preposition
in
show examples
 Baku city show that 88 per cent of them do not want to attend math or other academic classes after sports or music.
On the other hand
Linking Words
,
school
Use synonyms
 is the place where humans can
know
Verb problem
learn
show examples
 to be social and construct their relationships with others. At the same time, some
group
Fix the agreement mistake
groups
show examples
 of children show interest in art or non-academic fields, they can be
composer
Fix the agreement mistake
composers
show examples
,
painter
Fix the agreement mistake
painters
show examples
 or culinary
expert
Fix the agreement mistake
experts
show examples
 in the next parts of their
Use synonyms
life
Fix the agreement mistake
lives
show examples
.
For example
Linking Words
, one of the most prominent writers of Azerbaijan Ramiz Rovshan
could
Verb problem
was
show examples
 not be successful student during his
school
Use synonyms
 years, because he did not like
physic
Replace the word
physics
show examples
,
chemistry
Correct word choice
or chemistry
show examples
 and got worthless marks, but today he has many awards in literature.
To conclude
Linking Words
, a number of people support the opinion that pupils should learn totally academic
subjects
Use synonyms
 during their
school
Use synonyms
 year. In my
opinion
Add a comma
opinion,
show examples
while
Linking Words
 academic lessons are an important factor
for
Change preposition
in
show examples
growing
Correct article usage
the growing
show examples
 process of each child , other
subjects
Use synonyms
 are
also
Linking Words
 necessary for children`s social
Use synonyms
life
Fix the agreement mistake
lives
show examples
.
Submitted by zehrahesenova772 on

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coherence cohesion
Ensure that the introduction clearly states your position on the topic and provides an overview of the main arguments you will present in the essay.
task achievement
Provide specific examples and evidence to support your arguments.
lexical resource
Work on expanding your vocabulary and using a wider range of vocabulary.
grammatical range
Pay attention to sentence structure and grammar to avoid errors.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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