One of the widely discussed issues nowadays is a lot of pressure to work hard in their studies for young people in some countries. It is undeniable that having a little bit of leisure time has become an essential part of our life.

One
of the widely discussed issues nowadays is young
people
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people's
show examples
study
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studies
show examples
. It is undeniable that
study
has become an essential part of our life. In
this
essay
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essay,
show examples
i
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I
show examples
will look at some causes, that
effected
Correct your spelling
affected
show examples
young
people
's
study
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studies
show examples
,
examine
Correct word choice
and examine
show examples
factors responsible for
improvement
Correct article usage
the improvement
show examples
Change preposition
of
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their
study
Fix the agreement mistake
studies
show examples
.
One
of the main causes of the program of
school
studies
that
Add a missing verb
is that
show examples
is not comfortable and exciting for young
people
. Some of
subjects
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the subjects
show examples
they think are not necessary
their
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for their
show examples
life, but take more time to
make
Verb problem
do
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homeworks
Correct your spelling
homework
. it is
one
of the
result
Change to a plural noun
results
show examples
of young
people
are
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being
show examples
under a lot of pressure to work hard. The second cause that might be noted, in my view is
parents
. Nowadays
parents
strongly
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are strongly
show examples
concern
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concerned
show examples
their
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about their
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children
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children's
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development,
therefore
they haul
children
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their children
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from another
study
to another,
meanwhile
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meanwhile,
show examples
don ask
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asking
show examples
their
children
option
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options
show examples
.Students who are studying in
school
, another main reason for them in my
opinion
is to give more homework, after studying hard in
school
they should spend another 3-4 hours studying
subjects
than
Rephrase
rather than
show examples
relaxing and spending time with their loved ones The first reason mentioned above made it necessary to leave the core
subjects
in
school
and give students the least amount of homework. Our government should solve
this
problem by asking the
opinion
of young
people
. In my
opinion
,
this
would be a good decision for them.
Also
, all
subjects
should be divided into categories taking into account the abilities of
children
. All
this
provoked and contributed to the
children
’s desire to learn without pressure. Another problem is that
parents
should not force their
children
to teach. To do
this
, we should make a presentation for
parents
and posters in public places with various topics to reduce the influence of
parents
on their
children
and
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so
show examples
parents
understand their mistakes and draw conclusions from them.
children
made
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make
show examples
some decisions in their lives on their own.
One
of the consequences of
this
is that we prepare
children
with determination and confidence for the future. Having weighed everything mentioned
up
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apply
show examples
, we can come to
a
Correct article usage
the
show examples
conclusion that we should ask always
children
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children's
show examples
opinion
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opinions
show examples
before
to do
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doing
show examples
something. So it would not be surprising to see
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children's
show examples
children
life
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live
show examples
without pressure
some
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apply
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in
he
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the
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near future.
In other words
, more free time
to
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for
show examples
children
might not happen and we should be ready to bear all the consequences of that. I hope we and our government
would
Wrong verb form
will
show examples
decide
this
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on this
show examples
dilemma in the near future.
Submitted by dnm.best on

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coherence cohesion
Improve logical flow by organizing the essay into clearly defined paragraphs, each addressing a specific point. Consider separating causes and solutions into distinct sections for clarity.
task achievement
Develop ideas more comprehensively by providing more specific examples and details to support each point. This will strengthen your argument and improve overall task achievement.
coherence cohesion
Make sure transitions between sentences and paragraphs are smooth to enhance readability. Use linking words and phrases more effectively to connect ideas.
coherence cohesion
The essay has a clear introduction and conclusion, which is crucial for a well-structured essay.
task achievement
Provides a solid discussion about the pressures young people face in their studies and thoughtful consideration of possible solutions.

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  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

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