IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5

One of the widely discussed issues nowadays is a lot of pressure to work hard in their studies for young people in some countries. It is undeniable that having a little bit of leisure time has become an essential part of our life.

#pressure #work #studies #people #countries #bit #leisure #time #part #life
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One
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 of the widely discussed issues nowadays is young
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people
Change noun form
people's
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study
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studies
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. It is undeniable that
study
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 has become an essential part of our life. In
this
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essay
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essay,
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i
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I
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 will look at some causes, that
effected
Correct your spelling
affected
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 young
people
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's
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study
Fix the agreement mistake
studies
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,
examine
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and examine
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 factors responsible for
improvement
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the improvement
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of
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their
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study
Fix the agreement mistake
studies
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.
One
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 of the main causes of the program of
school
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 studies
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that
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is that
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 is not comfortable and exciting for young
people
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. Some of
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subjects
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the subjects
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 they think are not necessary
their
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for their
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 life, but take more time to
make
Verb problem
do
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homeworks
Correct your spelling
homework
. it is
one
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 of the
result
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results
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 of young
people
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are
Wrong verb form
being
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 under a lot of pressure to work hard. The second cause that might be noted, in my view is
parents
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. Nowadays
parents
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strongly
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are strongly
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concern
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concerned
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their
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about their
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children
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children's
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 development,
therefore
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 they haul
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children
Correct pronoun usage
their children
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 from another
study
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 to another,
meanwhile
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meanwhile,
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don ask
Wrong verb form
asking
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 their
children
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option
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options
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.Students who are studying in
school
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, another main reason for them in my
opinion
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 is to give more homework, after studying hard in
school
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 they should spend another 3-4 hours studying
subjects
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than
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rather than
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 relaxing and spending time with their loved ones The first reason mentioned above made it necessary to leave the core
subjects
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 in
school
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 and give students the least amount of homework. Our government should solve
this
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 problem by asking the
opinion
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 of young
people
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. In my
opinion
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,
this
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 would be a good decision for them.
Also
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, all
subjects
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 should be divided into categories taking into account the abilities of
children
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. All
this
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 provoked and contributed to the
children
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’s desire to learn without pressure. Another problem is that
parents
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 should not force their
children
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 to teach. To do
this
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, we should make a presentation for
parents
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 and posters in public places with various topics to reduce the influence of
parents
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 on their
children
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and
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so
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parents
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 understand their mistakes and draw conclusions from them.
children
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made
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make
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 some decisions in their lives on their own.
One
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 of the consequences of
this
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 is that we prepare
children
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 with determination and confidence for the future. Having weighed everything mentioned
up
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apply
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, we can come to
a
Correct article usage
the
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 conclusion that we should ask always
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children
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children's
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opinion
Fix the agreement mistake
opinions
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 before
to do
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doing
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 something. So it would not be surprising to see
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children's
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children
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life
Replace the word
live
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 without pressure
some
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apply
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in
he
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the
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 near future.
In other words
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, more free time
to
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for
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children
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 might not happen and we should be ready to bear all the consequences of that. I hope we and our government
would
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will
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 decide
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this
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on this
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 dilemma in the near future.
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coherence cohesion
Improve logical flow by organizing the essay into clearly defined paragraphs, each addressing a specific point. Consider separating causes and solutions into distinct sections for clarity.
task achievement
Develop ideas more comprehensively by providing more specific examples and details to support each point. This will strengthen your argument and improve overall task achievement.
coherence cohesion
Make sure transitions between sentences and paragraphs are smooth to enhance readability. Use linking words and phrases more effectively to connect ideas.
coherence cohesion
The essay has a clear introduction and conclusion, which is crucial for a well-structured essay.
task achievement
Provides a solid discussion about the pressures young people face in their studies and thoughtful consideration of possible solutions.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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